Asking your partner questions about their ex (or exes) can seem either like the best idea you've ever had or the worst. On the one hand, asking your partner about the things that went wrong (or right) in their past relationships might help the two of you strengthen your own relationship, but on the other hand, hearing the nitty gritty details about your partner's life with their ex can leave one or both of you feeling jealous, defensive, or otherwise upset. There are, however, some questions you can ask your partner about their ex that will help you get closer together as a couple in your own right that you may want to consider bringing up, just know that these kinds of conversations can be emotional or nerve-wracking, so it's best to be prepared.
"I am a marriage and family therapist and I specialize in working with couples in conflict, so I have seen conversations regarding exes go horribly wrong, but I have also seen productivity come out of these discussions when the right questions are asked," Erika Labuzan-Lopez, LMFT, LPC, tells Romper by email. "When you are having these conversations, it's important to really listen to the answers and set the intention to understand your partner better. It is not helpful to react, personalize, or use the information against your partner later. The point of these questions is to get closer and strengthen the bond your have with your partner, so make sure that you are ready to truly hear all that your partner has to say."
If you've decided that this is a conversation you want to have, incorporating some of these questions can help tell you what you need to know and bring the two of you closer together.