When I was little, I knew I wanted children someday and often dreamed of the kind of mother I'd be. I wanted to be caring, compassionate, kind, and understanding. I wanted to raise children who'd someday change the world and be inclusive and empathetic to those around them. However, because of my own turbulent childhood, I was absolutely terrified of becoming a mother and repeating history. I feared making the same mistakes my parents had, despite my best intentions. It's still something I struggle with, to be honest.
Motherhood, to me, means a lot of different things. It means trusting in your intuition that, whatever it is you deem right, is actually for the best. It's loving unconditionally and forgiving quickly and teaching from lessons learned. These are things I've always struggled with, though, so when I dreamed of having children of my own, I was terrified I'd fail.
My kids are now 5 and 10 years old, but before they came into my life all those years ago, I wasn't sure I could overcome my own misgivings in order to be the mother I dreamed of one day becoming. To this day, I still make mistakes, but what I've learned is that despite those mistakes, my kids are still OK. They trust in me, love me unconditionally, and forgive quickly. It seems they're teaching me more about life than anything I could've ever learned on my own. Here are some of the reasons I was so scared to have them, before I ever knew how wonderful this journey would truly be: