7 Reasons Not To Be Embarrassed About Being Submissive During Sex

by Meg Kehoe

I'd like to kick this off with a wild idea: you should never be embarrassed by anything that happens between the sheets, as long as it's between two consenting adults. Regardless of what you like, you shouldn't feel ashamed. Which is easier said than done. Especially when it comes to dominant and submissive behavior in the bedroom. Fret not, I'm here to give you plenty of reasons not to be embarrassed about being submissive in bed. Because there's no reason to be ashamed of what you like. I don't care if it's pop music or whips and chains, if you like it, own it.

If you're a feminist, you may be thinking, are feminists allowed to like being submissive? (This is the number one concern I've got rolling around in my head.)

The answer is yes. Feminism and sex-positivity are about enjoying your body and enjoying your sexuality. If you're getting hung up on whether or not you should be embarrassed about something that happens between the sheets, you're not enjoying either. Your sexuality is something that you should be empowered to enjoy however you please. Because it's yours. Your body is your own. Your sex life is your own. Safety, consent, and support are all important things to take into consideration while you're in the bedroom. But so is what you want. Not allowing yourself to be shamed by your sexual preferences is what sex-positivity is all about.


t's Empowering

When you give your partner consent to dominate you, it's because you want it, it's because you're comfortable, it's because ultimately, you've got the power. Getting what you want, having sex the way you like to have sex, there's something incredibly sex-positive and empowering about that.


It's Sexy

You know the feeling of being wanted? The feeling of being completely dominated can be sexy as hell. Experimenting with the dynamics of power in the bedroom can be an incredible release from the power struggles you face outside of the bedroom.


It Requires Confidence

It takes guts to admit to your partner that you like being submissive in the bedroom, no matter how long you've been together. Whether it's a personal fantasy or merely a preference, owning it doesn't mean you're meek on the streets if you are in the sheets.


You Feel Desired

It's OK to want to be desired for your body. And it's also OK to not want to think about too much, and want to feel instead. Being submissive can make you feel like the cat's meow, knowing your partner wants you.


It Doesn't Mean You're Weak

Being submissive between the sheets doesn't make you a weak person. People often confuse submissive behavior in the bedroom with weakness. In fact, it's practically the opposite. It takes a strong woman to admit what she wants behind closed doors.


It's About Trust

In order to be vulnerable with your partner, you have to be able to trust them. Trust is the solid foundation of all relationships. By being submissive in bed because you like it, ultimately, you're creating a relationship full of trust. That's something you should be proud of, not ashamed.


You Can Still Have Boundaries

Just because you enjoy being submissive in bed doesn't mean your partner gets to do whatever they want. There is still consent involved. There is still a huge amount of respect. Being submissive does not mean you don't have a say in what happens.