7 Reasons To Not Be Embarrassed About Saying What You Want In Bed

by Lindsay E. Mack

Even the most confident woman can still feel a little hesitant about discussing her sex life openly. After all, there is still a lot of cultural baggage around the topic. But there are some good reasons to not be embarrassed about saying what you want in bed, because this kind of communication can benefit everyone.

I know, every article about relationships harps on the concept of communication. But that’s because it’s just so important. Chances are, your SO is more than happy to please you in bed, they just need to know what works for you. And the only way they can know this is if you speak up.

Communicating what you want in bed doesn’t have to come across as a criticism of your partner’s current techniques. You can make the conversation as fun and lighthearted as you like. Furthermore, this doesn’t have to be a one-and-done major talk; it’s probably better to keep this conversation ongoing. Whether you just want to make some minor adjustments to your bedroom activities or you want to go in a totally new direction, just let your partner know what’s in your head. Basically: you can get the sex you want and improve your relationship’s communication at the same time. There is no downside.


It Supports Good Communication

Your partner is not a mind-reader, so speaking up is the only way they will know what you're in to. But as a study in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found, there is a "positive relation between revealing sexual information and relationship satisfaction and closeness." Sharing this intimate information can make for a more positive relationship overall.


It Boosts Confidence

Talking about it can make you more confident in the bedroom. As a piece in the Huffington Post explained, "confidence is key; when you talk about sex openly, that confidence will grow even more." It helps dispel any remaining shyness.


It Promotes Sex Positivity

If you want to be more sex-positive, then openly communicating about what you want in bed is a good place to start. “If a woman is sex positive, she’s more apt to fight the social norms of what society is saying her sexuality should be,” Dr. Michael Krychman, certified sexual counselor and sexual-medicine gynecologist, told Refinery 29. Knowing what you really want — instead of what the media says you should want — and communicating those needs in a positive way can be very sex positive.


It Shares Your Knowledge

When it comes to your body, you know best. "You have to overcome your awkwardness, take charge of your between-the-sheets pleasure and show him how to satisfy you," sex expert Sari Locker said in Cosmopolitan. Sharing this knowledge with your partner is only fair.


It Reinforces What You Like

If your partner is doing something you like, let them know! "If your partner really made you go crazy, tell him exactly what you did, and how you can’t stop thinking about it," according to Galore. It's the kind of positive reinforcement that benefits everyone.


It Demonstrates Trust And Openness

Can you and your SO talk about sex? Then you can probably talk about anything. “If you can talk about things that are going on in your sex life, then you don't have to bury your problems,” Denise Knowles, a psychosexual therapist, said in National Health Services. Everything is out in the open.


It Bolsters Your Partner's Confidence

When your partner knows what you want, chances are he will feel more confident, too. As a piece in the Huffington Post noted, "encourage him during sex, whether it's by simply saying 'right there' or 'yes' or even heavy breathing." Basically? Everyone wins.