According to the Internet, everyone hates your children and you should hide them in a closet, away from public view until they turn 21. Every few months we get a new diatribe that goes viral against kids on a plane, kids in restaurants, or the people who choose to have kids. But I am particularly interested in (and truly baffled by) the screeds against parents who post a lot of pictures of their kids on social media. What a bizarre and petty thing to complain about. It's sort of like complaining about the weather in Seattle when you live in Nashville — why do you care?
OK, sure, it's one thing to quietly chuckle or even roll your eyes at the friend who posts 54 near identical, blurry pictures of their kid making an unintentionally weird face with no accompanying commentary except "This boy <3..." But to get so upset about it that it's something you feel the need to whine about at length, in public? Can you please get upset about literally any other problem on earth right now? Did you know there's a Syrian refugee crisis going on? Or — you know what? — you don't even have to go quite so macro or profound: Didn't you tell me you have a hangnail the other day? Whining about that is less annoying than listening to you rant about pictures. Pictures of children. Come on . And if a ton of pictures of babies is the most annoying thing in your Facebook feed, consider yourself #blessed because I would gladly "suffer" a million pictures of babies to get rid of the sexist, racist, compassionless, unfunny, garbage I see sprinkled in my feed every day.
Parents, if you have found yourself questioning your posting because of other people getting all huffy, know there are some things you should never apologize for.
We're All Narcissists
It can be argued that having children is an inherently narcissistic act and that's where a lot of people's annoyance with baby/kid pictures on social media comes into play. (I'm not necessarily saying it isn't, but I think it's far, far more complicated than that, but that's a post for another day.) You know what else could be considered an inherently narcissistic act? Posting literally anything on social media. Unless you use your account exclusively to share news items or community bulletins, you're not exactly providing an altruistic public service by having a Facebook account, people.
"You Have Posted A Picture Of Your Breakfast Every Day For The Last Month."
Or a selfie. Or a picture of your fancy cocktail/coffee. Or a picture of the pretty view on your evening run. Or you and your friends at a bar. Or you at the gym. Or you on vacation. Or your pet. Or a goddamn Minion meme. Parents do not have a corner on the market of posting the same type of picture over and over and over again.
This Is Our Life Now
Look, we're parents now, and a huge chunk of our time and energy is spent on our children. That is as it should be. So if social media is about sharing our lives, well guess what, dudes? This is our life now. About 14 hours of my day is spent in the company of my kids, so you're going to hear about them.
We Want To Save These Pictures For The Future
Facebook and Instagram are super convenient places to store our photos. Yeah, there are other places we can do this, but I'm already using FB and IG, so why not kill two birds with one stone? It's way safer and more easily organized than on my phone, and I can access the images from anywhere.
Some People Have Asked For Lots Of Pictures Of My Kids
My parents live two states away. My in-laws live clear across the country. I have friends and other relatives whom I don't get to see as much as we'd all like, and they are interested in my children. Social media is how we keep up with everyone's lives. When it comes to kids, they're growing and changing at a much quicker rate than the rest of us, so they require more pictures in order for loved ones to be kept properly up to date.
There's An Unfollow Feature
Don't like seeing a ton of smiling, happy, adorable babies in your newsfeed? OK! The social media gods have invented this magical function to help you weirdos. It's called "unfollow" and it's very simple. You just click a button and you will stop seeing their posts but stay friends. Your friend will not know you have done this. This literally solves all your problems.
Our Children Are Effing Adorable
Deal with it.
Images: margejacobsen/Instagram; Giphy(8)