You may have heard that keeping secrets from your partner is a bad idea, but in many relationships, things aren't quite that clear-cut or easy. After all, you likely have a lot of history and detail in your past prior to meeting your partner and even some additional things that might have happened while you've been with your current partner. You may or may not be surprised to hear that there are some secrets about yourself you should never tell your partner because telling them isn't going to do anything for them. It won't benefit them in any way. And if telling these secrets will only make you feel better and might hurt them, you have to consider why you want to tell them these things.
Each relationship is different and when it comes to not telling your partner this bit of information or that bit, it might be more about timing and person preference than anything else.
"Not telling your partner 'secrets' is a very dangerous relationship game," Dr. Joshua Klapow, PhD, a clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show tells Romper by email. "While we are individuals and there is no requirement to tell our partner everything about ourselves, the bigger question is why are you choosing to keep it from your partner? There’s a difference between not offering every detail of your life and purposely keeping something from your partner. As well — there are some things we probably don’t need to share immediately but should be in a position to share when the time is right. If your partner asks about your past life, about your thoughts and feelings, about traumas in your life then if you love them, if you trust them — there is really no reason to not answer what they are asking."
Still, some of what you might not want to tell your partner doesn't need to be told right away and some might not ever need to be. But in some cases, if you're looking to actively keep something hidden from your partner, you may want to do some further reflection. Ultimately, there can sometimes be some good reasons for keeping certain things to yourself.