When it comes to sex, what is normal, anyway? Although the idea of sex saturates just about everything — it’s all over advertising, TV shows, and the Internet — discussions about what’s really going on in people’s bedroom can be few and far between. So when you experience pretty normal sex problems no couple should be ashamed of, you and your partner may feel like something is seriously off in your relationship. More open discourse could help couples everywhere realize that these problems are very common and (in most cases) capable of being fixed.
Maybe you’re both just too tired from work and childcare to even think about anything other than sleep. Or maybe your desires don’t match up perfectly once the relationship is more settled. These don’t have to be issues that tear you apart as a couple; chances are, with a little honest communication and schedule readjustment, you can find a level of sexuality that fits both of you. It’s more about what actually works for you as a couple instead of measuring up to the amount and type of sex you think you “should” be having. And what’s more sexy than a couple who can communicate together and find compromises that benefit them both?
1. You Aren't Going At It Daily . . .
. . . or even weekly. Although it may feel like you're the only couple on earth who doesn't do the deed several times a week, your perceptions are likely pretty skewed. As AASECT Certified Sex Therapist David Schnarch wrote in Psychology Today, "the vast majority of people — 67 percent— are having sex once or twice a month or less." Your frequency is probably pretty normal for most adults.
2. Your Desires Are Mismatched
Mismatched desires are one of the most common problems that couples face. "Often people begin a relationship equally excited, but after time, things may fade for at least one of them," social worker Kassi Corley told Huffington Post. She recommends couples communicate their likes and dislikes openly to appreciate one another's desires.
3. Your Dude Is Not In The Mood
For hetero couples, a man's flagging desire may sound some alarm bells. But as marriage therapist Michele Weiner Davis explained to Today."Believe it or not, there are millions of men who, for a variety of reasons, just aren't in the mood," she said. "In fact, I'm convinced that low sexual desire in men is America's best-kept secret." She notes that the culture of masculinity makes discussing this topic somewhat taboo, which leaves these couples feeling unnecessarily disconnected.
4. Your Desire Fades During Pregnancy.
Feeling less than lustful during pregnancy? According to a piece in the ABC of Sexual Health, pregnant women may experience a loss of libido associated with general fatigue or negative body image. It's pretty normal.
5. You're Both Exhausted
Feeling too tired to knock boots is a common complaint among busy couples. But relationship expert Debra Macleod has some tips to fight the exhaustion. "To combat it, approach your bedtime routine as a team," she told Huffpost Women. "Ask what you can do to help your partner power down without powering out." Getting those final daily chores out of the way together may help you both have time to reconnect.
6. Your Have Pain During Intercourse
And not the fun kind. Pain during intercourse can not only put a damper on your sex life, but also indicate more serious health concerns. As U. S. News & World Report noted, "many women experience the itching or burning of a yeast infection from time to time, experts say that's nothing like the pain suffered by women with more serious conditions, which can range from endometriosis to an ovarian cyst to a disorder called vulvodynia." Intercourse does not have to hurt, so you may want to consider visiting your physician if this is a common occurrence.
7. You're Uncomfortable With Your Body
Hey, everyone has some body hangups. Relationship expert Tracey Cox wrote in the Daily Mail that covering a portion of your body during sex might help you gradually gain more confidence. "Having part of you naked gets you used to feeling comfortable without clothes in front of your partner," she wrote. Low lighting (think candles) may also help overcome some inhibitions.