Really clicking with another person is most exciting experiences imaginable. Seriously, when someone else shares your excellent taste in music or dark sense of humor, then it can feel like a lasting relationship between you two is meant to be. Sometimes, though, there are signs they're your soulmate, but you're still not supposed to end up together for the long haul. You can be super attracted to someone who might not be that compatible for a serious relationship. It totally sucks, but it happens all the time.
Long-term partners need to work together on many different levels, so it's important to keep these things in mind if you want a serious relationship. (If you're seeking a casual fling, then these differences aren't as important. Go have fun.) Topics such as financial compatibility and career goals come into play. These aren't the most sexy or romantic discussions, sure, but they can inform your long-term happiness together.
Although it can be hard to think straight when you're falling for someone, try to imagine life with this person a few years down the road. Their carefree spirit may look a lot like irresponsibility if you're the one left paying all the bills and doing all the adulting. Here's a few warning signs to keep in mind, because those deep, soulful connections don't always translate to great relationships in the real world.
1. Existing Serious Relationship
If the person you desire is already in a serious, committed relationship, then slam on the breaks. In essence, the person you want has already made a romantic decision, and it wasn't you, as noted in Bolde. It's a tough truth, sure, but you'll be far better off pursuing someone who's actually available. You want to be someone's first choice anyway.
2. Lack Of Shared Meaning
Both partners need to agree on what makes a relationship important, then work to find that meaning in their own partnership. "One of the things we know to be a big predictor of long-term relationship success is when people have a sense of shared meaning in the relationship, and they tend to create that together," said couples therapist Don Cole in Revelist. "Happy couples find a way of creating shared meaning — ‘this is what we are about, this is what we are, this is what’s important to us.’" If you and the SO can't find a commonality here, then maybe it isn't meant to be.
3. Long Distance Standoff
Long-distance relationships can be both romantic and stressful. But what happens when neither of you is ready to make serious plans to leave your current home city? If neither partner can compromise on location, then long-distance relationships tend to fail, as explained in Insider. Consider having a serious discussion about your future together.
4. Parenting Decisions
Deciding whether to have kids, and how to raise them, is one of the most serious questions anyone faces. Compromise isn't always possible in this situation. "It's hard enough to parent, let alone doing it with someone who doesn't really want to be there in the first place," said psychologist Dr. Jill Weber in She Knows. You really need to be on the same page here.
5. Money Matters
Nothing puts the breaks on romance faster than financial stress. "It can cause a great deal of tension if one is a spender and the other is a saver," said counselor Christine Northam in The Independent. "Again, the problems occur when couples fail to talk things through." Although discussing your financial philosophies isn't the most sizzling bedroom conversation, it's important to make sure you're on the same page with money.
6. Life Goal Conflicts
How do your career, family, and lifestyle goals play out for the next few years? If your goal is to travel the world for years on end, then a partner who wants to buy a house in the suburbs right now might not be the best choice. "If you and your partner want very different things, it will be very hard for this to work, especially in the context of a lifetime," said licensed psychologist Dr. Jesse D. Matthews, PsyD, in Bustle.
7. Desire For Change
Is there something major about this person you really want to change? This isn't a great sign. Although it sounds a bit cliche, it's crucial to accept a partner for who they are, as explained in Marriage.com. This means all their faults and foibles, too.