What's the secret to a great sex life? Well, there might not be one magic solution to having a flawless carnal connection, but there is something that can assure you a better sex life, and that's compatibility. If you and your partner are sexually compatible, you're going to have a much easier time finding the satisfaction and fulfillment you seek in the bedroom. And so will your SO.
So how can you know if you and your partner are sexually meant to be? The first, and most important step, is taking the time to understand yourself and your own sexual desires and needs. If you know what you like and want, you'll be better able to determine whether your partner's drives align with your own. And if they do, then you'll both understand what those things are and both be able to get what you want.
What's important to remember is that — in these situations — not one person is right. Rather, it's a question of whether or not you are right for each other. Everyone has different expectations, limits and needs when it comes to sex, and that's perfectly OK. But when it comes to your SO, your thoughts should line up — at least to an extent. Being sexually aligned with someone is important to having a sex life that satisfies you, and having a sex life that satisfies you is important to having a relationship that makes you happy. To help you find out of you and your SO are meant to be in bed, here are seven signs that you are your partner are, in fact, sexually compatible.
1. You Have Similar Sex Drives
If you and your partner are synced up on when and how often you want to have sex, you are one lucky, compatible couple. Having similar sex drives is essential to having a satisfying sex life. Of course, no two people will always feel horny at the exact same time (although that would be great), but being in a general agreement about how frequently you'd like to get it on makes for a happier relationship.
Figure out if your needs have you craving sexual relations once a day, once a week or once a month. Do you like it first thing in the morning or is if your favorite way to end the night? Then, find out if your partner has corresponding expectations. Hopefully you guys are on the same wavelength — that way no one feels they have to beg or are being forced to fool around when they're not in the mood.
2. You Enjoy The Same Kind Of Sex
Is sex an epic exploration of romance that brings you and your partner closer, or is it an opportunity to execute some S&M-like fantasies? Are you adventurous in the sack, or do you prefer a more classic routine? Will you try anything once, or do you have strict boundaries when it comes to experimentation?
These are important questions to first ask yourself, and then to ask your partner. Sex does not fit in any one box, and the types of sexual expressions out there are endless. You deserve to be with someone who wants to try the same things you do and — conversely — won't push you to do things you don't feel comfortable with.
This includes everything from turn-ons to fantasies to boundaries, and finding out where you both land on all these issues is essential to sexual compatibility. Now, that is not to say you need to line up 100 percent on every choice you make in bed, but for the things that really matter to you, it's important you guys have similar wants and expectations.
3. You Communicate With One Another
Just like in any aspect of a relationship, communication is essential when it comes to sex. Knowing what your partner likes, feels, thinks and what they want is key to having a thriving, happy sex life — and vice versa, of course! It's a combination of being able to speak up during the act as well as knowing how to talk about sex outside of the bedroom. Are you both happy with the current state of your sexual affairs, or is one of you feeling unsatisfied? If someone wants more, less or different kinds of sex, being able to have open and honest discussions about it is the best way to get in tune with their desires.
4. You Perceive That You Are Sexually Compatible
This is one of those instances where the mind totally overpowers the body. According to Psychology Today, if you think you're sexually compatible, you're more likely to act as such. So basically, whether or not you actually are completely in sync, the more you believe that you are the more you will be. And it works in the opposite direction, too. Even if you and your partner have all the same turn-ons, sexual expectations and similar libidos, if you don't perceive that to be the case, you won't actually be compatible. It's totally meta, but it makes sense. In simple terms: if you think you have a good sex life, you probably do. If you think you don't have a good sex life, you probably don't.
5. You Have The Same Beliefs On Monogomy
Whether you're a one and only type of gal, or being polyamorous is more your thing, it's important you express these beliefs to your partner and find out if he wants the same level of commitment. Having similar definitions of relationships and cheating means you won't hurt each other with extra curricular activities that one of you believes is NBD, but the other considers a betrayal. The "are we exclusive" talk contributes to mutual understanding and trust, both of which lead to much better sexcapades.
6. You're Satisfied With Your Relationship
This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, but research has show that the more satisfied you are with your relationship, the more satisfied you are with your sex life and vice versa. So, perhaps one of the best ways to have a happy sex life is to work on having a happy relationship. Sure, there are countless instances of couples having amazing sex post (or during) a fight, when emotions are high and they're both feeling charged up. But that kind of spark isn't as sustainable as the fun, romantic and open sex you'll have with someone you feel comfortable and in love with.
7. You're Willing To Compromise
If there was a magic word that could fix any relationship woes, it would be compromise. Whether it's deciding where to go for dinner, who's family to spend the holidays with, or what kind of sex you're going to have, compromise is the key to contentedness.
This one rule overrides all of the others. Maybe your libidos aren't perfectly in line or your ideas of exciting sex differ, but if you're both willing to compromise and are aiming to please your partner, you're going to please yourself in the process and have a totally enviable sex life. If sex is always about getting what you want with no regard for your partner's needs, or if you feel you're always solicitous to what they desire, someone inevitably is not happy. Compromise, working together, and making the experience great for both of you is what sex is all about.