There are many factors that can influence your relationship with your significant other that you might not always foresee. One of the most common issues is dealing with their significant other's family and lack of independence when it comes to forging their own life together. Although having close ties with your parents is a great thing, at some point there comes a time when the signs your significant other is too attached to their parents become impossible to ignore.
Whether you get along with each other's parents or not, in-laws can be a huge force for good or a force for not-so-good. Feeling like your partner is more attached to their parents than they are to you can cause some serious issues in your relationship, as innocent and even positive as it may sound.
Part of being in an adult relationship is leaving your childhood home and building a life with someone else. Although it certainly doesn't mean you should cut ties with your families, a little breathing room is necessary. These signs might not be universal, but if you can relate to a few of them when it comes to your SO and their family, you might be dealing with someone who needs to learn to let the attachment go.
1. They Go To Their Parents Before They Go To You
One article from Focus on the Family pointed out that couples need to form autonomy and independence on each other. If your SO is turning your their parents when you encounter issues before they come to you, you're bound to feel less than.
2. They Want To Raise Your Kids Exactly How They Were Raised
If you have children, you've definitely had the "well, it's how I was raised" conversation a time or two. Positive Parenting noted that this kind of mentality can create major problems for your relationship, even over something as simple as a holiday tradition or the way you cook your favorite meals. It's important for couples to see their lives together as a blank slate where they can build on their backgrounds, but also form new traditions and habits completely independent of their parents.
3. They Tell Their Parents Everything About Your Relationship
You had a fight, and instead of venting to you, or even a friend, your SO runs directly to their parents to vent about your behavior. If this sounds familiar, you're definitely not alone. Most mommy chat forums have thread upon thread of women venting their frustration over their SO spilling everything to their parents before coming to them.
4. They Expect You To Do Things The "Way Their Parents Do It"
When I first moved in with my now husband, I was a bit thrown off when he asked me to fold the laundry the way he (and consequently, his mom) had always done it. Although it can seem like a small compromise to make, when these types of compromises add up, it can create major stress on your relationship or cause you to feel like you're not measuring up. Symbis suggested that couples begin by hashing out their expectations and having a conversation to bring these (often unintentional) issues to light.
5. They Want To Live Concerningly Close To Their Parents
There is comfort and security in living close to home, but some people would rather live with their parents than have their own place with their SO (or at least live disturbingly close by.) Although living nearby can have great perks, it can also living close to in-laws can establish inappropriate boundaries that should be firmly established beforehand to avoid future turmoil, according to CNN.
6. They Regularly Accept Financial Help From Their Parents
According to the College Investor, accepting money from your parents or your SO's parents is a grey area that each couple needs to talk through for themselves. If, however, it becomes a regular thing or prevents you both from providing for each other, then it can be a big problem in the relationship.
7. Their Parents Come Over Without Asking
The open door policy sounds great in theory, but when it's your in-laws coming over without notice — or if they have a key to your place — things can feel out of control pretty quickly. Luckily, it can be as simple as a conversation with your SO to explain why letting them in whenever and where ever is hurting more than it helps, or, as the HuffPost suggested, having a conversation with their parents to establish healthy boundaries for the future.