Telling me not to worry about something is like telling a dog not to bark. Anxiety is in my nature and and probably will always make up a core amount of my being. With that said, I have found some comfort in knowing that there truly are things not to worry about in your marriage. I know that might sound too good to be true, but relationship experts and psychologists have found some solid evidence that there is at least one thing you can check off of you worry list. Not that anyone truly enjoys fretting over their relationship, but at least you can put your mind at ease in this one regard.
Don't get me wrong. Every marital union is different, and what may genuinely feel like a big deal to you may not matter much to someone else. So, as with all advice, take it with a grain of salt. In fact, there are probably already topics that were of grave importance at the beginning of your relationship with your partner that seem laughable now.
But if certain situations still get under your skin, check out a few of these things you don't have to worry about in your marriage. Having one less thing to be stressed about is always a good thing, for you and your partner.
If you're anything like me, your mind can easily go down the rabbit hole of "what if?" scenarios when it comes to your relationship. Yet, worrying about hypothetical situations turns out to be a fruitless endeavor. "Learn to recognize your unrealistic doubts about your partner," Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts, told Psychology Today. "These thoughts start to pour into your head, try to turn off the faucet." You can't predict the future, so you don't really have to worry about the hypotheticals.
I've never been a particularly confident person when it comes to my physical appearance. That's why I continuously catch myself wondering why my partner would stick around with a person who looks like me. Despite being together for seven years and having a child, worries about my appearance still creep up. Thankfully, my partner has reminded me that we wouldn't be married this long if he was either superficial or didn't think I was attractive. So, even though it's easier said than done, don't worry about if your partner loves your body or not, because being married proves they think you are the most perfect person they've ever seen.
3The Next Fight
Arguments happen in virtually every relationship. I don't think I know a single couple who hasn't gotten into at least one major fight throughout their marriage. But if you're walking on eggshells in fretful anticipation of the next fight, it's actually not necessary. According to The Calm Clinic, worrying about starting an argument is a common relationship anxiety, but rarely turns out to be accurate. In fact, the next time you're getting nervous, simply air your concerns right then and there and you'll probably be pleasantly surprised that the outcome wasn't the apocalyptic argument you had been expecting.
This can be a worry that's hard to shake if you've ever been cheated on, dumped, or had a partner ghost out on you. But if you spend all your energy wondering about if and when they'll leave you, you'll miss out on enjoying and nurturing your relationship. "Whether they stay or leave, that is their decision, my therapist told me. "You can only control you, so choose happiness and be present." That little nugget of wisdom surprisingly eased my worries in a significant way.
Putting a conversation on replay is a worry you can kick to the curb, since it's not a productive habit. Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, an author and professor of psychology at Yale University, told Real Simple that, "there are ambiguities in every relationship and if you pester your partner about what they really meant, that can lead to conflict not clarification.”
My husband rolls his socks up into balls and I fold mine in half. For some reason this has always bugged me, and I just couldn't help but get annoyed every time we did laundry. But Dr. Michael Batshaw, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert, told Psych Central you should try to let small things go. He noted that, "you will benefit from not jostling over something that really is relatively small for you." In the end, sometimes laundry is just laundry.
7You're Not "Fun" Anymore
Kevin Hart famously has a stand-up routine that a woman's biggest worry is that their partner won't think they're fun anymore. Sure, the very early days of your relationship probably were easier and more jovial, but that doesn't mean you have to worry about being interesting enough to hold your partner's attention. If your concern truly runs deep, bring it up to your partner and I bet you they will reassure you that you're still just as fun as you ever were.