When it comes to relationships, knowing how to make your partner happy is almost as important as knowing how to make yourself happy. (Because, come on, you've got to tend to number one.) And when it comes to knowing how to make your partner happy, knowing what pleases them sexually is definitely part of the equation. Beyond knowing how to make your partner's toes curl, there are definite things to know about your partner's orgasm.
Orgasms may seem fairly simple from the outside — pleasure your partner enough, and they'll get there eventually — but the truth is, there's a lot going on while you're working your magic to get your partner to climax. Orgasms are the magical sum of your partner's skill, your mental state, and about a million nerve endings.
Whether your partner is a male or a female, there are a few things you'll want to keep in mind next time you're pushing towards the orgasmic goal with your partner. From myths you may have heard, to shocking things you never thought were possible, and a few stops in between, here are a few unsuspecting things to know about your partner's orgasm to maximize both of your bedroom pleasures.
1. Not All Orgasms Are Life Changing
That's right, not all orgasms are going to be the kind you see in the movies. But just because your orgasm isn't causing you to scream out, doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Sex educator Betty Dodson told the Huffington Post that, "some orgasms are sweet and gentle, some are big — but in fact, they are all pleasurable.” So the next time you're between the sheets and your partner doesn't go wild during climax, don't fret. It's normal.
2. Men Don't Have To Climax For A Woman To Conceive
During foreplay and sex, most men release a pre-ejaculate. It's meant to help lubricate intercourse, but did you know that nearly half of men produce pre-ejaculate that contains sperm? According to a journal published by the National Library of Medicine and National Institutes of Health, 41 percent of men's pre-ejaculate contains sperm. Up to 40 million sperm, to be exact. And it only takes one of those swimmers to make a baby. Keep those odds in mind next time you're fooling around.
3. Women Can Pre-Ejaculate Too
You've heard plenty about men and premature ejaculation, but it's not just men. Live Science reported on a Portugese study of women between the ages of 18 and 45, which found that 40 percent of participants occasionally prematurely orgasm. And for about 3 percent, it was chronic.
4. Orgasms Are Better With Partner
There's nothing wrong with going solo, but if you include your partner, you'll double up on ecstasy. After an orgasm, your body releases a hormone called prolactin. According to New Scientist, researchers at the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology found that both men and women release up for 400 percent more prolactin after intercourse than they do when they've gone solo.
5. Orgasms May Take Some Time
Orgasms, though they may seem like it, are not a race to the finish line. Although men are likely to finish quicker than women, a study done by Dr. Harry Fisch, author of The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grownups, showed that 45 percent of men climax after just two minutes of intercourse and some women are concerned about taking too long to orgasm. WebMD reports that studies show it takes around 20 minutes for the average woman to reach orgasm. The solution for all of this pressure on time and orgasms is to stop timing, and stop obsessing.
6. Orgasms Can Be Faked
By now, you've all seen the scene from When Harry Met Sally, where Meg Ryan does a bang up job of faking an orgasm while in the middle of a restaurant to prove a point that yes, some women are incredibly good at faking an orgasm. But did you know that faking an orgasm is prevalent among men as well? In a University of Kansas study, researchers found that 28 percent of men had faked an orgasm with their partner. The male orgasm usually coincides with ejaculation — but not always. According to study author Charlene Muehlenhard, Ph.D, some men mentioned discarding or hiding the condom after sex if they'd faked an orgasm, to keep it a secret from their partner.
7. Your Partner Can Orgasm Without Being Touched Intimately
And no, I'm not talking about 40 Days and 40 Nights style with a feather and an over the top orgasm. Some people can actually think themselves to orgasm. Lady Gaga told New York Magazine in 2009 that she's one of those lucky people. Not sure if you or your partner fall in that camp? Why not give it a shot? Harness those dirty thoughts and visualize whatever your heart desires. Have your partner do the same. Even if neither of you reach orgasm, it'll sure get you in the mood.