Fotolia

7 Things You'll Want To Say To Your Mother-In-Law That'll Burn The World Down

By
Share
Ad failed to load

Relationships with in-laws are, uh, tricky. As a mother of two, I hope to not deal with some if the issues I've had to. In attempting to blend into my husband's family, there have been times I questioned whether or not our relationship was even worth it. I love him, but yikes. I's been lot of unnecessary stress through much of our 13 years together. If you've married into a family where there seems to be nothing but drama, there's probably things you'll want to say to your mother-in-law that'll burn the world down in the worst of ways. Sure, it might be warranted, but hear me out: don't do it. No, seriously. Don't.

Bear with me as I play devil's advocate for a second. Assume there's a girl who falls in love with a boy. They move in together and eventually marry and have children. However, from the moment girl meets boy's mother, there's an intrinsic need for the mother to protect her boy who she views as her baby, all grown up. From the girl's side, all her new mother-in-law does is nonchalantly poke and prod, somehow coming out either the hero or the victim. It causes many problems in the girl and boy's relationship because, well, obviously.

From the mother-in-law's perspective, maybe she doesn't realize the way her words and actions present themselves. Perhaps she's merely giving in to that motherly instinct to protect her offspring, no matter the cost. What she doesn't realize however, is that her son doesn't need protecting. He's an adult. He can make his own choices. He's happy. 13 years later, this girl and boy are still married with two gorgeous babies, and yet, the relationship between girl and mother-in-law has not evolved into much of anything.

Ad failed to load

You'd think the girl would stop caring about the opinion of a woman who so clearly cares nothing about her, but obviously the girl is me and I have a hard time letting things go, especially when it comes down to a relationship I always longed for. Therefore, here are some of the things I've thought over the years that maybe I wanted to say, but didn't. (If you have found yourself wanting to say these same things, well, good luck.)

Ad failed to load

"Your Way Isn't The Best Way"

GIPHY

This is tough for most people to hear, but when it comes to your mother-in-law, I've found it to be even more challenging. Why? Because she's been a mother longer and probably believes that because she's "lived and learned," her constant unsolicited advice is helping when, in fact, it might not be. Like, at all.

Years ago, I had more than a few experiences where my mother-in-law assumed whichever ways she cared for our daughter was the way it should be done. Whether it was feeding, swaddling, dressing, or nurturing, I always felt judged when all I was doing was my very best. It's really hard to bite your tongue when you're a new mother trying to figure it out. However, in not "overstepping," it helped facilitate our relationship (without drama) that much longer. So, I guess, it was worth keeping my mouth shut.

"Would It Kill You To Spend Time With Your Grandkids? Or Even Your Son?"

GIPHY

Our particular situation is frustrating, only because we moved to a small town to be closer to my husband's family. At first, we'd see them rather frequently. However, over time and now, it's next to never. My own mother drives from a state away more often then we see my in-laws, and it's infuriating. I feel for my children whose main wish is to spend time with loved ones. They don't understand (and neither do I, frankly) and while my husband won't admit it, I'm sure he (an only child) misses the time with his mother, too.

"Don't Criticize The Way I Parent"

GIPHY

13 years provides a lot of chances to jab at a daughter-in-law you aren't crazy about. The best ones are when they're underhanded compliments about whatever I'm doing in my child's best interest. For instance, my kids have always gone to bed early so I don't really need anyone to point it out in a condescending way.

Ad failed to load

"I Don't Want Your Advice"

GIPHY

I appreciate when someone more experienced offers genuine advice, like the kind that comes from a place of love and/or wanting to be helpful. I don't appreciate when the advice is meant to derail my parenting, my self-esteem, or really anything involving me in a negative way.

"Most Of Our Problems Stem From You"

GIPHY

I wouldn't dare say it, but it's true. From the very beginning of my relationship with my husband, we had issues stemming from the overstepping of in-law boundaries. When he didn't address them and they worsened, I almost called off the wedding. Now, all this time has passed and we're still playing these games, the only difference being the in-laws are not involved in our lives at all now. Could we just not and get on with it already?

"Mind Your Own Business"

GIPHY

Opinions: everyone has one. When it's from a mother-in-law to a daughter-in-law, those opinions can be hurtful or obviously inappropriate. While there's a whole internet full of negative internet trolls I'd love to scream this very sentiment at, it rings most true with my husband's family at the times I'm only looking for a shoulder to cry on (or literally just a non-snarky comment would be cool, too).

Ad failed to load

"Why Don't You Love Me?"

GIPHY

Most of this is said in jest, but at the very foundation of my frustration, all I've ever wanted to know is why there's such a divide. Coming from divorced parents and leaving behind my family in another state, I moved to be amongst my husband's family because I truly believed I could be one of them. Turns out, it doesn't matter what I do. When it comes to my mother-in-law, I can never be enough of anything. I guess, after over a decade of marriage with two kids whose feelings matter most of all, I've learned to be semi-OK with it. I just hope that, someday, my kids and husband will be, too.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

Umm, Toys "R" Us Has A BOGO 50 Percent Off Deal So You Better Stock Up

After the holidays, you were probably hoping that your kid's massive toy collection would keep him entertained for a little while, at least. But that was wishful thinking, wasn't it? Because now that a couple of months have passed, all those must-hav…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

Turns Out, Kim Kardashian's Favorite Mom Products Look A Lot Like Your Own Faves

Being a mom is really hard work, especially for the first few months, and Kim Kardashian West is no different in that regard. Now the mother of three, Kardashian says that there are a few products she just can't live without when it comes to raising …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

These 9 Instant Pot Recipes Will Make Even The Pickiest Eater Happy At The Table

Like any parent, I've had my share of parenting hits and misses, but one of my favorite "wins" is my daughter's diverse palate. I don't even know if I can take credit for it, but I would like to think I had something to do with her love for lentils, …
By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Soda Might Hurt Your Fertility, Study Says, & Here's What You Can Do

Who doesn't love sugary drinks? I stopped drinking soda years ago, but I still love gulping down those fancy Starbucks coffee beverages. I don't have a big sweet tooth, but I am a sucker for sugar-sweetened beverages every now-and-then. Turns out, th…
By Annamarya Scaccia

10 Things No One Tells You About Having A Baby In Your 30s

If you're like me, you evaluate the pros and cons of any major life decision. When my husband and I were considering starting a family, I thought about my career, education, and financial stability. I wanted to know how a pregnancy and childbirth wou…
By Steph Montgomery

This Woman Thought She Had An Eyelash Stuck In Her Eye. Then It Moved.

I'm not a person who is easily icked out. As a kid, I collected bugs and thought I was going to be an entomologist and asked Santa Claus for ant farms and nets to catch bees. I'm still super curious about anything that flies and crawls, which might s…
By Karen Fratti

A Hot Mess Mom's Guide To Surviving Winter

As I sit here at my home office in Connecticut, it's cold. Damn cold. Winter is a rough season in New England and it's even worse when you're a parent and have to manage cooped up, restless children. It's even worse when you're a hot mess as it is, u…
By Jamie Kenney

5 Red Flags Your Toddler Isn't Eating Enough

Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters, at least in my experience. You offer mashed potatoes, they want french fries. You give them crackers, they scream for chips. It's frustrating, to be sure, but it's usually their way of vying for independence. It…
By Candace Ganger

11 Ways Your Pregnancy Will Be Different If You Have A Boy Vs A Girl

If you've been pregnant before, you might start comparing your previous pregnancies to that of your current pregnancy. A lot of things can change from pregnancy to pregnancy, based on a whole host of different factors (including how well you remember…
By Lauren Schumacker

35 Moms Share The Most Disgusting Things Their Husbands Do

I'm a human being who revels in challenges. I like when people present me with one, especially if they don't think I can meet or succeed it, and I like taking a challenge on, especially if it's unexpected. So when I aimed to uncover the most disgusti…
By Jamie Kenney

How Having Kids In Your 20s Affects You Later In Life

For parents, like myself, who had kids in their 20s, there are a number of questions that come to mind. When you're deciding what your future will look like, you'll likely consider what this means for your health, career, and more down the line. Thin…
By Tessa Shull

8 Reasons I Let My Toddler Play Outside Unsupervised

I'm not a helicopter mom, but I'm not exactly a free-range parent either. I like to think of myself as safely ensconced somewhere in the middle. I insist on certain safety measures, like car seats and helmets. I prefer to keep my 2-year-old in my sig…
By Kimmie Fink

12 Moms Share How They Stay Healthy During Flu Season

Unfortunately, we're in the middle of the roughest flu seasons in recent memory. And we’re not totally out of the woods, either. People around the country are still getting the flu, and, sadly, some of them are having to be hospitalized due to flu-re…
By Priscilla Blossom

8 "Mistakes" I'm Glad I Made During My First Pregnancy

As an adult, I've learned you never really stop hating being told what to do. When I was pregnant I was getting instructions at every turn, from doctors, relatives, and complete strangers on the subway. I would nod and smile but then go about making …
By Liza Wyles

Study: Drinking Two Glasses Of Wine A Day Is Good For Your Mind — Here's Why

There’s more scientific proof that a daily drink or two isn't necessarily a bad thing and could have a place in an overall healthy lifestyle. A new study out of the University of Rochester Medical Center (URMC) in New York found that — in mice, at le…
By Tiffany Thomas

Research Says Eating Carbs Can Lead To A Healthy Pregnancy, So Bring On The Pasta

In the world of me, no food is better than bread. I know it's supposed to be pretty terrible for you, high in calories, low in protein, and full of that modern-day demon, gluten... but guys, it's really yummy. Especially warm out of the oven, when th…
By Jen McGuire

These Photos Of Prince George Then & Now Will Give You Serious Baby Fever

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their third child in Spring 2018. With all of the excitement surrounding the new baby, it's easy to forget all of the good times that have already passed. The couple's eldest is already well into the sc…
By Azure Hall

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
By Lindsay E. Mack