Romper

7 Times When I Love My Baby More Than My Partner

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Having a baby brings out all kinds of emotions, but the love you have for this person you'v never met definitely tops the list. It's an unworldly feeling, both overwhelming and unexplainable, to love someone so much you'd give your life for theirs. While my partner is wonderful, I admit there are times when I loved my baby more than him. I didn't feel this way on purpose, and I think it's natural for feelings of admiration and annoyance to ebb and flow within a relationship.

But here's the thing, and it's a big one: I know life without my partner and chose to enter into the relationship he and I have and share and continuously cultivate. We wakeup  every day with a distinct choice to do this life thing together, and it's great. My children, on the other hand, don't know life outside of me and my partner. We're their everything, so it's easy to return those intense feelings to your little babe because to you, obviously, they're perfect.

When my daughter and son were born (at separate times), I fell in the deepest kind of love I never thought possible. I'd heard about it, sure, but to experience that intense and overwhelming emotion was a whole new thing in and of itself. There's no way I could've thought about loving anyone more. Now that my children are five and 10-year-old mini-humans, there are days I feel the same (and days I feel the opposite, to be honest). So, with that in mind, here are some of the times I loved my baby more than my partner (sorry, dear).

When I First Held Him/Her

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There's no better feeling than, after nine months of pregnancy hell, you get to push that baby out and see who's behind all the kicking, acid reflux, and gas. Your partner may be in the room with much of the same feelings, so I'm sure he (or she) is cool with how head-over-heels in love you are right now.

When My Baby Coos

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Those first little noises that erupt from such a small frame are the best, aren't they? So innocent and perfect; my partner could be in the middle of telling the world's most interesting story and I'll still find myself fully submerged in a love bubble meant for two — me and my sweet newborn (who is obviously saying something much more important).

When My Baby Laughs

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Stop the presses, my friends. If the baby finds something amusing enough to laugh, I'm immediately love sick — especially if it's a particularly infectious, full-bodied laugh.

When my babies both had their first moments of hilarity, you couldn't move me if you'd tried. Laughter is the first sign of love, I hear.

When My Baby Is Sick

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Ugh. I hate when one of my kids gets sick and even more when they were babies. Although, I have a confession: This vulnerable time reminds me just how much I love them (so much) and how nothing would stop me from making them feel better. I will lie next to them, stroke their foreheads, and clean up their vomit all day and night if I have to (but please feel better already so we can snuggle again).

When My Baby Is Crying And Needs Me

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The moment I hear one of my kids crying, you'd better get the hell out of my way because I'm barreling through to see who, or what, caused it. The only thing that will fix my babies' pain? Kisses.

Unfortunately, my partner doesn't have the same "healing magic" in his smooches, so I'm lucky enough (and more than happy enough) to be the one to do it. No problem, I'll take one for the team.

When My Baby Learns His/Her First Words

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My daughter's first words (aside from "da da," which she repeated when I asked to hear "ma ma," the traitor) were "baby do it." This would explain why she's so independent now, but at the time I didn't care if she even knew what she meant by it. Hearing her proclaim her rights in this house was the cutest thing I'd ever heard in my life and, to be honest, it still gets me.

When My Baby First Says "I Love You"

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Every time I think there's no better moment in a mother's adventure with baby, I'm proved wrong. I have never loved another human more, including my partner, than when my babies said "I love you." It was the first time that maybe it wasn't all me pouring my love over them but, instead, a reciprocal love that we could share together. Of course, this realization sent my heart aflutter in a way that couldn't be duplicated by any partner.

I love my partner and love spending my life with him raising our two children but there have, are, and always will be times when I love those children just a little more. It's only natural. They sprouted inside of me and I felt them grow until they were ready to meet the world. While they're their own people, they will always have a part of me inside of them, too, and that thought makes me fall for them all over again.