Being a first-time mom means doubting pretty much every decision you make. It's all so new and overwhelming, it's difficult to know whether you're doing a good job or causing long-term harm. While much of it is a learning experience, where you either figure it out or fail trying, there are many times when I should have given myself more credit. As a first time mom, nothing can be perfect all the time. You can't make every right decision or be the best mother in the history of the universe right off the bat. Although, if you're like me, you'll definitely go down trying.
When my daughter came home from the hospital, I remember staring at her like, "Well, what now?" Seriously, what do you do when you first bring that little nugget home? It's surreal, right? I'd spent all that time arranging her room, folding little onesies, and talking to a stomach that didn't talk back, so I kind of forgot what the end result would be or how I was going to handle it. When you're pregnant, it's all a construct, thenyou're faced with this new reality of having to actually do all those things you dreamed about. Only, it can feel like a nightmare. Sure, I loved my new baby, and yes, I was so excited to have the chance to mother her, but I lacked the confidence and follow-through I thought new moms needed in order to care for an infant.
Even after overcoming a long struggle with postpartum depression (PPD), I couldn't believe I was doing a good job or that I'd ever be good enough for my new child. Maybe it's all part of being a parent, but here are some times I should've given myself more credit. If I had, maybe I'd have felt more secure in my choices and life with a new baby wouldn't have felt so damn hard.