Over the course of a relationship, you discover all kinds of new things about your partner, some of which you might like, some you might not exactly be onboard with, some you're willing to tolerate, and more. There are all sorts of different ways that these traits and tendencies might have come about, but you often don't really get to decide which they keep and which they leave behind. The same goes for their thoughts and feelings about your traits and tendencies. So you may be curious about some of the unexpected things your partner may find creepy about you that you don't realize they do, because oftentimes people don't realize the things about them that might be a little bit awkward, different, creepy, or unique until someone else points it out to them.
If there are things that you think might be creepy about your partner or things that your partner thinks might be creepy about you, it's probably worth discussing openly and honestly — particularly if you've been together for awhile — even though the conversation itself might be a little bit awkward or you might be nervous to bring up the topic.
"The key in addressing any perceptions of creepiness in a relationship is having direct communication to avoid resentments or misunderstandings," Dr. Dara Bushman, PsyD, NBCCH, RRT, a licensed clinical psychologist, tells Romper in an email exchange. "Although it may be awkward or uncomfortable, it is imperative for a couple to understand each other. Perhaps his or her creepy behavior has continued for the individual for so long because it has never been expressed to him as being a concern. Another partner may find them self-disconnecting or pulling away in the relationship because they struggle to articulate their concerns."
Although, of course, what one person defines as creepy might be different than what another person does, knowing what your partner might find creepy or awkward about you can give you some added insight into your relationship and just might spur a conversation, as well.
1. You Let Them Run The Show
You might think that you're being accommodating and helpful by letting your partner make all of the decisions, but they might not see it the same way.
"Whether you’re deciding what you want for dinner, where you spend your holidays, or how you allocate your monthly budget, sharing decision-making makes for happy, healthy relationships," Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist, tells Romper via email. "If you defer to your partner on all decisions, you may believe you’re being selfless, but it’s possible that your deference is motivated by selfishness. Perhaps you don’t want to take responsibility or be held accountable for a bad decision. Or perhaps you avoid decision-making because you don’t want to push your comfort zone."
2. You Sleep With A Baby Blanket
If you've slept with a baby blanket or pillow in or on your bed for most of your life, you probably don't think much of it, but your partner certainly might. Lindsey Metselaar, the host of dating podcast, We Met At Acme, tells Romper in an email exchange that your partner might think it's creepy that you sleep with your baby blanket. It just might not be as much of a non-issue as you might think.
3. You're Super Touchy-Feely
"Many people don’t want others in their personal space," Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor, life and dating/relationship coach, and co-creator of Double Trust Dating, tells Romper by email. "If you are overly touchy, especially to people you barely know, it’s a sign of creepiness. This could be giving lots of hugs, randomly massaging a co-worker’s shoulders, or anything that could be considered an invasion of space."
Whether it's with them when you first meet or at times when they don't care to be touched, or how they observe you with others, being super touchy can definitely be interpreted as creepy or uncomfortable, even if you think you're not invading anyone's personal space more frequently than anyone else does.
4. You Don't Really Have Any Sort Of Filter
Saying what you want whenever you want probably isn't always the best idea or the most situationally-appropriate way to act, but if it's something you do often, you might not realize that some people — your partner included — might view it as creepy. "Creepy individuals will say whatever comes to mind, even if it’s inappropriate," Bennett says. "Your partner might laugh it off to avoid embarrassment, but it’s actually creepy."
5. You're Weird About Going To The Bathroom
"If they need to close the door and light a million matches and take 924,294 showers to cover up the fact that they poop, then it's a bit strange and I'll never fully be comfortable pooping because I know it's such a big thing to them," Metselaar says. Everyone poops, as the children's book goes. Though that doesn't necessarily make it completely mundane the first time you do so when your partner is around, if you make a big deal about it, your partner might find that awkward or uncomfortable.
6. You Mention Taking Over Their Social Media Accounts
Bennett says that even an off-handed joke about needing to take over your partner's social media accounts runs the risk of coming off as creepy. It sends the message that you don't think they can handle things themselves or that you might feel as though you need to keep a close eye on them, which isn't the most comfortable situation for your partner to be in.
7. You Do Everything For Them
Doing things for your partner is nice, but when you start to do everything for them, that's when it can start to be a little less comfortable for your partner and a little closer to creepy. "You may think that attempting to meet each and every one of your partner’s needs makes you more giving and attractive, but most of us want a considerate partner who also has their own desires and needs," O'Reilly says. "It’s important to be accommodating, but you also need to stand up for yourself and be open about your own expectations, so that your partner gets a chance to be both a giver and a taker."
Knowing what your partner thinks your awkward, uncomfortable, or even downright creepy quirks are — and to what extent they're bothered by them — can open up the lines of communication between the two of you and, ideally, ultimately bring you closer together. But even if it doesn't quite work out that way, chances are, you'll know more about yourself than you did before.
Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.