When I think about sex positivity and the way I was taught about sex, I’m mildly disappointed. Sex positivity wasn’t an integral part of any education I had. Like most other young women my age, I was taught that sex is bad, chastity is good, and waiting till marriage was key. Imagine my shock when sex positivity came into vogue. And with this new-found knowledge, I've been searching for ways to be more sex positive, even in just 24 hours.
I have a vivid memory of being 13 years old, sitting in a Girl Scout troop meeting, and watching a sex education video with my best girlfriends. The video was far from sex positive, and honestly one of the least educational videos I’ve ever been subjected to in my entire life. (Which says a lot, because I spend a lot of time on the internet.)
Regardless of what I was taught as a young woman, I’m relearning what it means to be sex positive now, and embracing the movement one step at a time. Imagine a Sex-Ed class where students are actually taught about sex, instead of abstinence only. Imagine a day where safe sex is promoted and encouraged. Imagine a world in which nobody’s judged for their sexual proclivities. Imagine it, because that world is well on it’s way. And you can help by becoming more sex positive and teaching others to do the same. And it all starts with these seven simple steps.
1. Feel Yourself
Put on Nicki and Bey, and feel thyself. Practicing self-love (sexual and otherwise) is important when learning how to be more sex-positive. After all, you're supposed to love yourself before you love anyone else, right?
2. Don't Feel Yourself
Not into masturbation? That's totally cool too. Sometimes, you're just not into it. Sometimes, you'd rather eat ice cream and cry. Although I think exploratory masturbation helps you learn what you like and feel more empowered, some people just aren't into it. And that's OK! Being inclusive is top tier when you're talking sex positivity.
3. Stop Slut Shaming
Take a note from Amber Rose, and cut out the slut shaming. Rather than judging others for what you don't know, or don't understand, try asking questions, and being supportive. Take the negativity out of the word slut by joining in the movement and participating in a SlutWalk.
4. Be Honest In Bed
Tell your partner what you like and what you don't like, and it will make you feel more comfortable with yourself. Not only will the honesty improve your sex life, but it'll make you feel more empowered too.
5. Watch Feminist Porn
Yes, feminist porn exists! Do your research and watch porn that's directed by women, porn that portrays women as real women, and not as accessories. You'll feel really, really good about it.
6. Be An Ally
When someone's being sex or slut-shamed, and shut it down. Stand up for your fellow sex-positive pals and don't let anyone get away with that negativity.
7. Educate Yourself
Educating yourself on all forms of sex is a great way to become more sex positive. Don't know much about same-sex sex? Do a little googling. Not familiar with the kama sutra? Grab a copy and get to reading. You won't be disappointed. Learning about what you don't know is the best way to move forward.
Take one, or all of these into consideration tomorrow, and find yourself feeling more empowered, more sex-positive, and more positive in general.