If you've never been part of a nasty breakup, consider yourself lucky. And if you have, then welcome to the club. Getting over someone you once loved is not easy. But it's even harder when that person has done you wrong in a big, big way. Between the temptation to stalk your ex down and demand an explanation, wanting to curl up into a ball and cry, and wanting to get back out there to prove you're 100 percent OK... yeah. It's easy to go about healing in all the wrong ways. But there are some ways to get over an ex who has done you wrong that aren’t destructive and may actually help you.
OK, to be fair that's not totally accurate. There's no exact formula for getting over someone who's ruined your life and broken your heart. No one thing works for everyone who's ever been wronged. Just remember, it's a process. It takes a different amount of time for everyone. There's no set time period. There's no set formula. There's only you, time, and trial and error. Take a few of the suggestions below, apply liberally, and repeat when you're ready. Nobody knows you better than you know yourself.
1. Stay Off Of Social Media
It is far too easy to stalk your ex and see what they're up to on your choice of channel. Between Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn... literally anything that has to do with the Internet is a bad way to try and keep up with your ex. You'll only wind up even more pissed than you were before. Remember, things always look more glamorous when they're curated. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
2. Be Patient With Yourself
You're not going to get over this right away. Give yourself time. To grieve, to be sad, to be mad, to let it go. When you've been deceived, or even when you've just been hurt... it's going to be a process. Take everything one day at a time.
3. Don't Be Rash With Mutual Friends
You know how people often take sides when a relationship falls apart? Don't be the person that makes anyone choose. It may be hard to let go of mutual friends or take time away from the ones who were friends with your ex first, but be positive of this: nobody likes to be told they have to choose. Let the aftermath shake itself out, and you'll all be better friends in the long run.
4. Don't Rush Into A New Relationship
The last thing you need right now is a rebound relationship. Chances are high that you're going to be emotionally irrational, and it won't be fair to your new partner, or yourself. Take your time as you dip your toes back into the dating pool.
5. Allow Yourself To Learn
If you can learn something from your idiot ex, then the time you spent together was worth it. Of course, it's not always easy to see this right away. But given time, you'll figure it out. Don't make the same mistake twice.
6. Cut Off Contact
Whatever you do, do not attempt to be friends. And don't keep sleeping with your ex. You will never get over things this way. You'll wind up convincing yourself that whatever your ex didn't wasn't that bad. Guess what? It was. Don't let your weakness over the way he calls you baby get in the way of the fact that he really messed up. Cut off contact. Allow yourself to move on.
7. Make Peace With The Past
Eventually, you need to make peace with the past. You can't hold onto your anger forever. Don't let someone else's mistakes permeate your entire being. Day by day, find joy in yourself, in figuring out what recovery means to you, and in learning how to be alone. If you give yourself the time to heal properly, you'll be able to see your ex on the street and not feel the urge to ruin their life the way they ruined yours. (Dramatic? Maybe. But like I said... it takes time.)