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7 Ways To Have Hotter Sex Tonight, Because Why Wait For an Orgasm

“Hotter sex” seems like an elusive goal that couples are always striving to reach. Particularly when you’ve been dating someone a while, the passion you have at the beginning of a relationship may wane. Sex can get routine. Maybe you even have “go-to” positions that work for you guys and you rarely try anything else. Add work, kids, and general life chaos to the mix and having hotter sex moves even further down the priority list.

There are plenty of tips to be found that involve whipped cream, handcuffs, and scrunchies, but it doesn’t have to be that hard or that complicated (unless, of course, you want it to be!) Even if you don’t have time for romantic seduction with candlelight and rose petals or trying all the positions in the Karma Sutra, you can still have a mind-blowing, out of this world shag with your SO. And, ironically, many of the things that have big payoffs in the bedroom are things you can start germinating outside the bedroom.

These simple tricks can be built into your daily routine so hot sex isn’t just something that happens when you’re actively trying to have it. Instead, it can be something that’s built into the very fabric of your relationship and everyday lives.

1. Make Time To Connect Outside The Bedroom

Physical intimacy is just one kind of intimacy. Finding time to have deep conversations with your partner is another kind of intimacy, and it carries over when you get between the sheets.

2. Appreciate The Little Things About Your Partner

When you spend a lot of time with someone, it gets easy to take them for granted. Take note of things your partner does that you appreciate, like emptying the dishwasher at night or making the bed in the morning, and thank them for it. It also doesn’t hurt to pay them a compliment. Next time you notice how great their legs look, lean in and let them know! When you’re more appreciative of them, you may find that you want them even more.

3. Take Your Dirty Talk Digital

Sexting isn’t just fuel for political scandal – it can actually be great for a relationship! Send each other little texts throughout the day about how much you’re looking forward to doing that thing to them later. The anticipation and build up can make for a great release later.

4. Take The Focus Off Orgasm

Trust me here! Clinical sexologist Eric M. Garrison tells Glamour that when you’re so focused on achieving the goal of getting off, it can be hard to stay present and enjoy what’s happening in the moment. Plus, when you take the pressure off of achieving climax you may find that you’re relaxed enough to actually get there.

5. Tell Each Other What You Like (And What You Don’t)

Communication is key to great sex. Believe it or not, people aren’t mind readers! If you don’t tell  your partner what you’re into, they’ll have no way of knowing. Similarly, if you don’t tell them what’s not doing it for you, you could spend the rest of your life wishing they’d stop doing that weird thing with their tongue.

6. Fantasize

You don’t even have to fantasize about your partner(s) for this to work (though it’s cool if you do!) Building an internal fantasy life helps get you in the mood, which leads to a greater likelihood that you’ll want to jump your partner’s bones when they walk in the door or get into bed that night. Whether it’s reading erotic literature or just daydreaming about all the things you want someone to do to you, fantasy is a great way to get your engine running.

7. Say “No” When You’re Not In The Mood

Some people think that having sex with your partner, even when you don’t really want to, is good for a relationship. If that’s something that you feel is important, I’m not going to tell you not to do that. But that’s not an option for some people, particularly those of us who may have a trauma history or just don’t feel okay about having sex that they don’t really want. Saying “no” during those times will make the sex you do have even better, because both of you will be enthusiastically consenting. What’s hotter than knowing that your partner is super into it?

Images: Focus Features; Giphy (7)