When it comes to great sex, many people have the same elusive goal: achieving simultaneous orgasm. Sure, you can have a rich and fulfilling sex life without ever happening across the particular set of circumstances necessary to pull off this feat. But the allure of mutual release has many couples seeking ways to have simultaneous orgasms the next time they get down.
Before you and your partner start gunning for the double-O in earnest, there is a caveat. “There's only a small percentage of couples who can reach orgasms at the same time," sexuality counselor Ian Kerner told Glamour. And don't worry — this doesn’t reflect anything about the state of your overall relationship. “I can't find any real research looking at it, other than some suggestions that mutual, simultaneous orgasms are not as common as people believe,” David J. Ley, a clinical psychologist, told Psychology Today. So if you can pull it off, great! And if not, well, there’s no harm in trying, right? As long as you both have fun along the way, pursuing the mythical mutual orgasm can become an interesting part of your sexual repertoire. Here are some techniques that may increase your odds of achieving simultaneous orgasm.
1. Use Mutual Masturbation
Sometimes you need to go solo to get there together. As Dr. Laura Berman, sex educator and relationship therapist, said in Everyday Health, "it usually works best if the man paces his orgasm to match the woman’s, since men typically reach climax much earlier and easier than women." By knowing your own bodies, you can work on your timing.
2. Communicate With Numbers
Who says numbers can't be sexy? "Talk lots, telling each other exactly where you're at by using a number system," sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox told the Daily Mail. "Groaning out a 'Nine!' or delivering a curt 'Still two' might seem odd to start, but it's a quick and effective way to communicate in bed." Keep your partner in the loop using whatever style of communication works for you.
3. Strategize Your Position
Knowing which positions work for you can make achieving simultaneous orgasms a possibility. "Most women consistently orgasm in the cowgirl position," Kerner told Glamour. This means you can speed up or slow down to synchronize your responses.
4. Breathe Together
All that breathing practice during yoga might help you out in bed. "Inhaling and exhaling in sync with your partner is a simple yet powerful technique for increasing your emotional connection—and it can even lead to simultaneous orgasms," Sayaka Adachi, a clinical sexologist, said in Health. Tandem breathing might lead to tandem . . . other things.
5. Sync Up
Be mindful of your arousal differences and use them to your advantage. "He should focus on getting you into a high state of arousal—while not getting much stimulation himself—then coming rapidly to attention when you're ready for him," Tierney Lorenz, a researcher from the Sexual Psychophysiology Lab at the University of Texas at Austin, told Women's Health. You will be that much closer to mutual release.
6. Put Romance First
Getting your head in the game before you're even in the bedroom might make everything easier. "Before sex, it's important you both make time for romance and foreplay," according to Cosmopolitan. Clearing your mind of the day's stresses and focusing on one another is a great way to start syncing up.
7. Multiply Your Pleasures
If you can have multiple orgasms, then your chances of syncing up with a partner are greater. "If the female partner has learned how to have multiple orgasms, that makes the objective of simultaneous orgasms a lot easier," family practitioner David Delvin told Netdoctor. "Why? Because the male now has a number of different 'targets' to aim at." It's one way to take your quest for the simultaneous orgasm to the next level.