You used to welcome your parent's surprise kisses at the end of the day. But ever since you've had kids, you find yourself annoyed and recoiling from their advances. There's nothing wrong with you — you're simply "touched out." If you spend all day hugging, kissing, and cuddling with the kids, you may find you have no physical contact left to give. But your partner may be oblivious to your feelings and see it as rejection, which is why you need to find ways to help partner understand that you're "touched out."
Moms, especially those with young kids, are prone to feeling "touched out" because parenting is all consuming, physically and mentally. If you've spent your day with a toddler and now you're expected to make the switch to lighting candles for sexy time with your partner, no wonder you're saying "pass."
If you're feeling the burden of being "touched out," are you're turning down advances from your partner, they will feel rejected and confused. So now you feel "touched out," exhausted, and guilty. Awesome.
So rather than let these feelings consume and overwhelm you and cause a rift in your relationship, try these conversation starters to help your partner understand what being "touched out" means, how you are feeling, and how they can help.
1. Be Completely Honest
Your partner is not a mind a reader and needs to understands why you are pushing them away. Exaplain that you feel attached to your children and their needs all day, and at the end of the day, you feel like you have nothing left to give, wether that's sex or even a hug. Be sure to explain it does not reflect on your relationship and your feelings towards them, but sex is the last thing on your mind at the end of the night.
2. Let Them Know That "No" Really Means "Not Now"
If you want your partner to take your feelings into consideration, you have to do the same. Make sure your partner understands that "no" really means "not now." Although you can't think about being intimate right now, you do want intimacy with them. You both just need to find a balance that works for both of you.
3. Explain That Intimacy Isn't Just Sex
Although your partner may be craving sex, let them know intimacy goes beyond the bedroom. Explain that intimacy can mean quality time together, a back massage that is nothing more, or a sweet text in the middle of the day. For me, nothing is sexier than my man taking over, giving the kids a bath, putting them to bed, and cleaning the kitchen while I catch up on some TV. Intimacy might be changing in your relationship, but it's still very important.
4. Say You Need Some Me Time
Part of the reason you feel touched out is because you have very little time to yourself. Let your partner know you need time alone before you can give anymore of your time to your family. It might be as simple as a run to Target alone, lunch by yourself, or a few hours getting a mani and pedi. Let your partner know that you need me time every week and you need their help to get that time.
5. Let Them Know You Still Find Them Sexy
You love when your partner tells you you're beautiful, especially when you haven't showered in a week and have worn the same sweatpants for three days. Well they want to hear the same thing. Make sure your partner knows you still find them sexy and there is no one you'd rather wrinkle the sheets with — but maybe just not tonight.
6. Set A Date Night
You schedule naps, playdates, and Mommy and Me music classes, so you have to schedule time with your partner. Both of you have busy schedules, but you need time to connect with each other and focus only on each other. Get a babysitter and plan a date night. Can't find a sitter? Put your kids to bed early and take turns planning romantic date nights at home for each other.
7. Remember That This Is Just A Phase
Your relationship will go through a lot of different phases and that's OK. But it's important to make sure you and your partner know this, check in with each other, and support each other through this time.