From the moment I met my husband, I've had a difficult time expressing my feelings towards my mother-in-law. She's a generous woman, a great mother to her only child, and an amazing grandmother to my children. However, over the years there have been times I've been made to feel unaccepted and under-appreciated. I know I'm not alone. In fact, I bet there are ways your mother-in-law undermines you without even realizing it. Then again, maybe she knows exactly what she's doing. Either way, I'd venture to guess that in a dynamic that can be as complicated as the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship, there are things that happen so frequently you don't realize they've happened until you reflect back.
Now that I'm a mother, I definitely have more sympathy for the role of my mother-in-law. I've fallen in love with and married her only child. Some day, I could find myself in a similar position and, honestly, even the thought of losing my babies terrifies me. I'll always want them to be happy, which is why I've paid extra attention to all the things not to do in terms of undermining any future daughter or son-in-law I may or may not have.
With that in mind, and because you can't fix a problem if you don't realize there is one, here are some things to look out for with your own in-laws. My advice? Be gentle. They may not know they're doing it, and some day, this might be the position you're in.