The longer you are in a relationship, the more comfortable you become with certain aspects of your partnership. There are roles each of you fulfill, schedules to maintain, and an overall serenity that comes from having a routine. But no matter how much confidence you have in your committed relationship, there are some worries that every long-term couple has at one time or another.
It can be a big life change such as the birth of a child, or something as natural and unavoidable as aging that can trigger these worries. Low self-esteem or lack of communication can exacerbate your concerns. You may find yourself preoccupied by little things that never bothered you before. Or you may start to worry about bigger things, such as the inevitability of growing old and dying.
You will always find more reasons to worry if you try hard enough, but it is important not to allow your fears and anxieties to trick you into thinking that your relationship has more problems than it actually does. There is a significant difference between normal, everyday concerns and being unable to control anxieties surrounding your relationship. The following are examples of normal worries and concerns that every long-term couple faced.
1. "What If My Partner Stops Loving Me?"
When you first get in a relationship, and everything is moonlight and fairy dust, you don't stop to worry that one of you may simply stop loving the other. But when you've been in a relationship for a long time, it isn't uncommon to worry whether your partner will really love you forever. Exhaustion, stress, and having a full plate can cause a partner to seem distant or distracted. It usually has nothing to do with how much you love each other. Remembering to say things like "I love you" and "I appreciate you" can keep your spouse from worrying whether you are still in love.
2. "How Will I Survive If My Partner Dies?"
No one likes to think about this, but it is a worry everyone in a relationship has. If you are a stay-at-home mom, or are living paycheck to paycheck on two incomes, you might wonder how you will maintain your family on your own. Even if finances are not an issue, your main worry may be how to wake up each day without the love of your life. Setting up a will, life insurance policy, discussing and possibly pre-planning funeral arrangements, as well as setting up a file with passwords and bank account numbers can lessen your partner's burden if you suddenly die. Having all of these things in place can ease this common worry.
3. "Is My Partner Cheating?"
It can be something your partner said or learning about someone else's infidelity, but almost everyone in a long-term relationship has worried about a cheating partner. It is important to have open communication and to not allow your imagination to run away with this concern, especially if it is unfounded. Doing so can lead to obsessive thoughts and behaviors, which can actually be a catalyst to future problems in your relationship.
4. "How Will We Make Ends Meet?"
Every couple has gone through a period of financial strain. Sometimes it is at the beginning of a relationship, when you are young and just starting out. Other times it is in the middle, after a job loss or family emergency. Many older people worry about how to survive once they are retired. Doing your best to save for the future, avoiding large or unnecessary expenses, and investing wisely will help alleviate that concern.
5. "Does My Partner Still Find Me Attractive?"
When you have been with someone for a long time, it's normal to worry whether or not they still find you attractive. Unsolicited compliments and reassurance will keep your other half feeling sexy and confident.
6. "Will We Have Anything To Talk About By The Time The Kids Are Grown?"
When a couple has children, their lives tend to revolve around the child's schedule. The default parent typically makes friends with other parents and spends a lot of time doing family-friendly activities. The other parent may spend more time at work or attending business functions. It isn't uncommon for parents to go days without having an actual adult conversation with each other. Your worries will subside if you actively try to make time for one another, converse, communicate, and keep each other in the loop.
7. "Did I Choose The Right Person?"
Even the happiest couples have a lingering moment of doubt. Sometimes your personal interests change and you wonder if you are growing apart. Maybe you saw an old flame online and had some fleeting nostalgia. Momentary doubt is normal. Remember why you fell in love, and all of the wonderful things your partner brings to the relationship.