You've heard the old adage about stick and stones breaking bones, but the wise old scribe who penned this phrase got the ending wrong. Words can hurt you, and the impact of those words can have a deeper burn than you may realize. And it's not just the playground teasing associated with childhood. Turns out there are comments from your partner that are messing with your mental well being without you even noticing. Some common phrases that everyone is guilty of uttering from time to time can take a toll not only on your relationship, but on your self-esteem, confidence, and stress levels as well.
Words have weight, and too many of the wrong kind can start to wear you down. As psychologist Dr. Devon MacDermott told Prevention magazine, when a partner makes comments that cause you to question or second guess your own ideas, memory, perceptions, and beliefs (known as gaslighting), it's a sure sign the relationship is lacking in respect. Little comments hear and there start to add up and before you know it, your well being has taken a turn for the worse. It's not always grand insults and put downs, snide and condescending remarks can be posed in very ordinary ways, such as these eight examples.
Constantly hearing that your ideas and views are wrong can take a toll on your well being. Listening and validating your partner's point of view is a key part of a healthy relationship, as the website for The University Of Minnesota's Academic Health Center explained. If this courtesy is not returned to you, it could start to cause you to question yourself and your own thoughts.
On sex that is. Connecting in an intimate way is an important part of a romantic relationship. In a study published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine, people who frequently had sex were more mentally healthy. If your partner is frequently blowing you off in the bedroom, you may start to experience a decrease in your emotional well being.
3"I'd Rather Be Alone."
Having a sidekick is a pretty fun part to being a couple, so when your partner just wants to be alone, it can do more than just bum you out. As the website for the Association for Psychological Science pointed out, people who feel less secure in their attachment to their partner experience higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
4"It's Your Fault."
In any relationship, troubles will arise. But when they do, the approach to finding a solution may be why one partner feels beat down. According to Health magazine, disagreements in relationships have been shown to increase stress, and constantly being blamed (whether you're at fault or not) only adds more stress to the situation.
5"It's For Your Own Good."
When someone claims they have better insight into what's best for you than you do yourself, it's time to take notice. As Psych Central explained, when a partner says they criticize you "for your own good," it can cause your self-esteem and confidence to plummet.
6"It's Just A Joke."
Taking a jab and then trying to claim it was meant as a joke rarely makes the person the receiving end chuckle. According to Psychology Today, trying to frame mean, rude, or hurtful comments as jokes is not OK, and is a sign of verbal abuse.
7"I'm Not Sorry."
Being caught up in the moment can bring out emotions that cause you to say things you don't really mean. Typically, you apologize for those things you said once the storm has blown over. But if your partner refuses to apologize, or tells you they aren't sorry for throwing verbal daggers, there is a lack of respect.
8"I'm In Charge."
Partners should have equal pull in a relationship, so when the balance is off, the effects begin to surmount. When one person claims to be in charge of the relationship, it's a form of bullying, which can cause the other person to feel unsafe, as Psychology Today explained.