8 Common Phrases Every Mom Says To Their Kids, Translated

Ad failed to load

If you’re a mom, chances are you find yourself spouting out all kinds of clichéd phrases you swore you'd never say to your own kids before you became a parent. Sure, you hated it when your mom said things like "clean up that mess" or "because I said so," but now you understand the level of desperation we resort to when we're just trying to get our kids to cooperate. And yes, it’s possible that there might be better ways to convince your kids to behave (I, for one, tend to go to my secret weapon — pizza — to avoid these battles altogether), but it turns out there are some very familiar phrases our own moms said to us as we grew up that have become classics for good reason.

Of course, when you offer up these parenting platitudes to your little one, you’re not necessarily saying exactly what you mean. That’s because these oft-used one-liners are usually a lot less harsh than what you’re actually thinking. Because to be honest, if I said what I was really thinking some of the time, my kids would likely be scarred for life. (Or, you know... for a couple of hours.) One of these days when the tables have turned, they’ll figure out how you really feel, but in the meantime we've partnered with delicious mealtime solution Red Baron Pizza to bring you a few of our favorites, along with their translations:

Ad failed to load

What You Say: “Just Three More Bites!”

Antonieta Esis/Offset

What you mean: “If you don’t actually chew and swallow some solid food very soon I’m legit concerned you’re going to wither away. How many meals am I supposed to cook and throw away in one day? Also, I don’t really know what rickets are, but you’re probably going to get them soon if you don't eat. Here, have some pizza.”

What You Say: “If You Don’t Sleep, You Won’t Grow!”

Summer Murdock/Offset

What you mean: “I’ve been up since you dragged me out of bed at 5 a.m. and I need you to go to bed immediately because if I can’t crash on the couch in front of the TV with a big glass of wine very, very soon I am literally going to start falling apart at the seams.”

What You Say: “I Don’t Know.”

NIMA Stock/Offset

What you mean: “Do I look like a f*cking search engine to you? How can one person possibly have all the answers to every question that pops into your head? I have no idea why pizza sauce is red, I don’t know if bumblebees sleep, and I definitely can’t tell you why pants are called 'pants,' so please stop asking!”

Ad failed to load

What You Say: “I’m Going To Count To Three…”

Tara Heinl/Offset

What you mean: “I have about three seconds of patience left before I lose my sh*t. So you should probably start listening to me in a hurry, because when those three seconds are up things are gonna get ugly, fast!”

What You Say: “You’re OK!

The Good Brigade/Offset

What you mean: “Oh wow, I really hope you’re OK. Honestly that cut or bruise or bug bite or whatever looks pretty bad and I’m probably going to call the doctor as soon as you’re not looking, but right now I just need you to calm down so let’s just say you’re OK, OK?”

What You Say: “Because I Said So.”

Joyce Kang/Offset

What you mean: “Look, I honestly don’t have the time to sit here and explain to you why you need to brush your teeth or wear a jacket or pick up your toys because I’ve already told you why at least a thousand times, so you’re just going to have to accept the fact that it needs to be done… because I said so!"

Ad failed to load

What You Say: “Money Doesn’t Grow On Trees!”

Jennifer Tonetti-Spellman/Offset

What you mean: “OMG, can we ever walk past a store without you begging me to buy some useless toy that will probably break in five minutes and is almost exactly like another useless toy we have at home?”

What You Say: “Don’t Make Me Come In There!”

LWA/Dann Tardif / Blend/Offset

What you mean: “The truth is I don’t want to come in there. I really don’t know why you insist on jumping on the bed — it's not even that fun. I can think of 15 other things you'd have more fun doing. But of course you're doing the one thing I told you not to do. But you seriously need to stop. Like, right now.”

This post is sponsored by Red Baron Pizza.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

Being A Dog Parent Prepared Me For Having A Baby, Really

I’ve always wanted kids; I was never as sure about raising a puppy. Then I spent six months living with someone who brought home an eight-week-old golden retriever puppy, and I see no way to make it out of that experience claiming not to love dogs. I…
By Heather Caplan

20 Of The Most Popular Unisex Names Of All Time, That You'll Be Hearing More Of For Sure

You might think of unisex names as a fairly recent trend, but the truth is these versatile monikers have been commonly used throughout history (well, some more commonly than others). That's why the team over at Names.org recently compiled a list of t…
By Jacqueline Burt Cote

How To Have A Date Night With No Babysitter, Because It's Easier Than You Think

After having children, many couples feel that their love lives immediately go out the window, but it's so important to make your romantic life a priority so both you and your partner can be the best versions of yourselves you can be. As we all know, …
By Abi Berwager Schreier

9 Ways Baby No. 3 Made My Family Feel Complete

My husband and I decided to have another baby right after we got married and, well, we had no idea what we were getting into. I got pregnant right away, endured a high-risk pregnancy, and, before I knew it, my third baby had arrived. Together, we emb…
By Steph Montgomery

8 Stereotypes About New Dads That Are *Totally* True

Much like new mothers, new fathers have a lot on their plate. Parenting can be scary and complex, especially at first and regardless of your gender. People want to do right by their kids, after all. And since all new parents are a hot mess, dads are …
By Priscilla Blossom

8 Differences Between Being Pregnant In Your 20s Vs 30s, According To Science

Whether you're planning a pregnancy, or just thinking about your future family, it's typical to think about things like child-spacing, how many kids you want, and when to start trying to conceive. When making your pro/con list, you might also conside…
By Steph Montgomery

16 Moms Share Remedies For Their Most Intense Chocolate Cravings During Pregnancy

For better or worse, pregnancy is usually synonymous with odd cravings. Sure, there are the stereotypical combos like pickles and ice cream that plague gestating women the world over, but there are other mind-boggling combinations, too, including but…
By Candace Ganger

Putting Sunscreen On Your Kid Doesn't Have To Be A Fight — Here's How To Do It

I am almost translucent, so me and sunscreen are basically besties at this point. Even though my children are beautifully deep brown thanks to my husband's genetics, I still slather them like biscuits being buttered because I refuse to take risks wit…
By Cat Bowen

7 Things A Mom Really Means When She Says She Doesn't Want Anything On Mother's Day

Every year my family asks me what I want for Mother's Day, and every single year I tell them the same thing: Nothing. So, by now, they know that when I say "nothing" I absolutely do not mean "nothing." In fact, there are more than a few things a mom …
By Candace Ganger

19 Moms Share The Way They Cured Their Pregnancy Comfort Food Cravings

I was obnoxiously sick during the first trimester with, "lucky" for me, both of my pregnancies. For the first three months I lived on saltines, lemonade, and fresh bread. Once I was able to eat, however, all I wanted was savory and sweet comfort food…
By Dina Leygerman

8 Fascinating Facts About Babies Born In May, The Luckiest Month Of All

The height of all things fresh and springy, May is an excellent month to have a baby. It's a time of growth, graduations, and outdoor celebrations. And these fascinating facts about May babies will give you more reasons than ever to appreciate childr…
By Lindsay E. Mack

I Used To Judge Formula-Feeding Moms — Until I Became One

The other patrons in the hip Brooklyn restaurant probably couldn’t care less what I was feeding my baby, but I’ll always remember the shame I felt as I quickly mixed up his bottle of formula in front of them. I admitted to my childless friend that I …
By Katherine Martinelli

7 White Lies It’s Necessary To Tell To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

Telling lots of lies typically isn't associated with a healthy, strong, lasting relationship, and that's still certainly true, but not all lies are exactly the same. Though you've probably heard from someone at least once or twice that the lie they t…
By Lauren Schumacker

The Skinny Jeans That Saved Me Postpartum

Accepting my post-pregnancy body is hands-down one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s something that I still work on every single day. During my first pregnancy, I was 20 years old, so I managed to bounce back quickly. In fact, I dropp…
By Allison Cooper

7 Ways Your Baby Is Trying To Say They Feel Safe

In those first weeks of new motherhood, it can feel like you need an interpreter for your newborn. With their limited means of communication, figuring out what message your baby is trying to get across to you can be a challenge. With time, however, y…
By Kimmie Fink

Here's Why Dogs Are Obsessed With Babies' Poop, According To Science

Most family dogs seem to understand babies, and they're more than happy to make friends with the newest member of the pack. It's adorable... for the most part and until you go to change your little one's diaper. Suddenly, you're wondering why dogs ar…
By Lindsay E. Mack

6 Signs You're Meant To Have A Big Age Gap Between Kids

There's a five year age difference between my two children, to the day. Their age gap wasn't planned but, for a variety of reasons, works well for our family. And since I was so focused on having a second baby, I totally overlooked the signs that wou…
By Candace Ganger

13 Unique (& Totally Not Mainstream) Mother's Day Gifts For The Hipster Mom

Hipsters thrive on being outside the norm and not really digging anything considered "mainstream." Whether it's in their fashion, what music they listen to, the books they read, or how they enjoy beverages, there's just something that makes them dist…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Here's How To Introduce Your Pet To Your Baby & Make Everything As Calm As Possible

Our home, which we lovingly refer to as “the funny farm,” is filled with four-legged family members. We have two crazy beagles and two cat jerks, and boy are they loved and spoiled. (As they should be.) But we are now finally having a baby of our own…
By Abi Berwager Schreier

Here's The Right Birth Method For You, According To Your Zodiac Sign

If you're pregnant, you've probably given childbirth some serious thought. Some moms-to-be prepare a meticulous birth plan, while others are comfortable just going with the flow. And me? Well, I made a plan... but that plan was useless when faced wit…
By Steph Montgomery

My Dog Knew I Was Pregnant Before My Family Did

Growing up, I was 100 percent sure I'd be a mom one day. To a dog, that is. My baby plans came later. And once my husband and I were sure we wanted both a dog and a baby, we'd add to our joint dog-and-baby name list over Sunday brunch or on date nigh…
By Melissa Mills