When people find out how long my husband and I have been married, the first thing they usually ask is, "What's your secret?" I always tell people that there's no one thing that's going to make sure your marriage endures. Rather, it's a whole set of values and habits that make your marriage continually interesting and continually fulfilling. For us, flirting and being silly, and even a little naughty, keeps us on our toes and in each other's thoughts. Everyone should flirt with their partner, so here are some flirting techniques to help your marriage, and maybe even spice it up a little bit.
Flirting can range from the light and innocent, to something you have to hide from the children lest you wish to scar them for life. The beauty of flirting is how it makes you feel. When your spouse flirts with you, it makes you feel wanted, sexy, and connected. Dr. Dara Bushman, aka "Dr. Dara," a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship expert, tells Romper that "flirting is imperative for the longevity of relationships. When you met, flirting is what created that butterfly feeling of excitement in your stomach and the thrill to keep wanting more. Flirting can be playful, sassy, and spicy to ignite and re-ignite the flattest of relationships."
Flirting implies attraction and interest, and that is empowering when you have been together for a long time. When you flirt with your spouse, it is almost a game that only the two of you get to play, but there's never a winner or a loser. How you do it will depend on your personality and your dynamic as a couple, but I truly believe it is essential in a happy marriage.
1. Remember Your Tinder Days
Naughty, flirty messages aren't just for single people still using hookup apps. They're for the married folks, too. Bonus: chances are that your husband already knows if you're into D pics or not. The texts don't have to be elaborate, or even well thought out. For example, this morning I sent my husband the text, "I don't hate your face. I find it appealing." That style might not work for you, but to us, it makes sense.
I won't tell you the naughtier texts we send, so get your mind out of the gutter.
2. Acts Of Kindness
True story: I am the luckiest woman on the planet. My husband brings me my coffee to bed every single morning. (He also brings my supplements, but that's more because I'm an old millennial and my joints creak.)
As for me, I make sure that our fridge is always full of the cherries he loves to eat, and that his lunch is packed. These little acts of service might not seem like flirting, but they are. They're tender acts that mean something, and when you show gratitude for them, you have another opportunity to flirt.
Dr. Dara says that being kind and showing simple interest, is an easy way to flirt and show you care.
3. Make Eye Contact
Dr. Dara tells Romper that the simple act of making eye contact, that human connection that tells the person you're speaking with that you are connected to them, is crucial.
Think of how much time you spend looking at your phone, your kids, or the television as you talk to your spouse. Really looking at them feels different.
4. Never Leave The House Without Kissing
Never leave the house without kissing goodbye, and never come home without kissing hello. This is a routine that my husband and I started when we were dating, and have continued to this day. It lets us connect as a couple for just a moment, reacquainting ourselves with each other.
Sometimes I just give my husband a peck on the lips, and sometimes I also grab his junk. He never knows what to expect.
5. Listen To Them When They Talk
It is easy to disengage when your spouse is talking about something you're not really interested in, or when your kids are trying to distract you. But one of the best ways to flirt is just to listen, and be actively engaged in what your spouse is saying. Sure, she may be droning on for the eleventh hour about Megan Rapinoe's sneaker collection, but if that's what she's into, you can at least try.
6. Pay Attention To Your Body Language
What are you subconsciously relating to your spouse through body language? Are your arms crossed in front of your chest, are you turned away? Or are you open, leaning closer to them than other people around you? The same flirty position you would assume at the pub talking to a hottie is what you should do with your spouse, only a lot closer.
7. Keep In Contact
I am constantly brushing against or touching my husband. Yes, I also give the man plenty of personal space, but when we're in close quarters, or hanging out on the sofa, I touch him, and he touches me. Also, he's just really cozy and warm, and I have anemia, so he gets to be my human blanket. It was in the vows, I'm sure of it. To have and to hold until they warm up.
Plus, he's the one setting the AC to "Elsa's bedroom."
8. Send The Memes
We all get so bogged down by the hard stuff in life, that we often forget to find the things that are funny. Making your spouse laugh, or having them make you laugh, can be a huge release. It is also extremely flirty. Lisa Concepcion, relationship expert and founder of LoveQuestCoaching, tells Romper, "Playful flirting doesn't have to be anything sexual. Simply sending funny memes or comments to one another bonds you through laughter. Couples who laugh and play together, stay together."