I have a running commentary in my head. Sometimes it involves judgment of other people for various reasons, and that's usually followed by admonishing myself for judging people when I don't know why they're doing what they're doing. Does that sound familiar? If you have a similar running commentary, it'll sometimes mean there are things you'll want to say to your mom friends but don't, because friendship with them is what gets you through some of your toughest parenting days.
It can be easy to forget, especially as a first-time mom who is still working out her parenting style, that a lot of parenting ends up coming down to whatever works for you and your kid. The books and rules and general suggestions by the best specialists all seem well and good, until you're in the trenches and just need your kid to eat something. I mean, honestly, who cares if it's another chocolate chip cookie?
And of course, the last thing you want to do is judge your mom friends, because you can be absolutely sure you're going to do some wacky stuff as a mom in the future, too. I have a feeling it'll be darn helpful if they keep their mouths shut when you do it.
"Hey, Maybe Your Kid Is Too Old For A Pacifier"
Pacifiers can be contentious, and sometimes it's hard to sit back and not want to rip the thing out of a kid's mouth as he's trying to talk through it and all you can hear is mumbling. I've wanted to say something to a friend before as I watched her son's teeth grow into the shape of the pacifier, but it was definitely best for me to keep my mouth shut and preserve our judgement free friendship.
"Hey, Maybe Your Kid Is Too Old For A Bottle"
I'd been awfully judgmental in my head about a friend whose kid still drank from a bottle all day long at the age of nearly 2, but then we showed up our daughter's daycare for the first day and every single other kid her age was having a bottle at snack time. Maybe I was the one who missed the memo?
"You Could Have Mentioned Your Kid Was Sick When You Invited Us Over"
This is the worst, when you show up at a friend's house or at the playground, and one of her kids is streaming green goo down the front of her face. But you'll quickly realize that will be you soon enough, sneakily trying to bring your kid to a play date even though they've got yet another cold because if you stay home one more day with tiny munchkins your head might explode.
"Please, Please Reprimand Your Child For Bashing Mine"
Or stealing their toy or trying to stick a Lego up their nose. Come on, mama, tell your kid to stop acting a fool at the expense of my kid!
"Are You Sure They'll Only Eat Chocolate Chip Cookies?"
Really? They'll only eat chocolate chip cookies at the moment? Are you sure they haven't totally figured out how to get exactly what they want from you? And then you'll eat your words when your kid hits that phase where they'll only eat blueberries for every meal.
"What Do You Mean He Won't Nap?"
We've had some close calls, but I can't say we've ever had a total non-napper and the thought absolutely panics me. It sounds exhausting, but I don't want to point out the obvious to my mom friends.
"Please Don't Let Them Press Repeat On 'Trolls' Again"
Or my head will very likely explode. I just can't take it anymore!
"Let's Teach Our Kids Not To Smash A Banana Into Furniture"
How 'bout it, eh? It'll be fun, promise!