If you thought relationships were hard before kids, add one or two tots into the mix and you'll look back on your "pre-kid days" as the easy times. Don't get me wrong, having children is amazing can be one of the most fulfilling and empowering things you can do. But parenting with someone else isn't easy. In fact, sometimes it's downright hard. If you're considering having children (or even if you already do) there are certain co-parenting red flags to watch out for that will make parenting more stressful than it needs to be.
My husband and I have been navigating the ups and downs of parenthood for a little over two years now and while the "terrible twos" push us to our limits everyday, sometimes we are less than supportive as co-parents. I'm not saying that when things get hard that it's OK to up and leave, but if you notice any of these signs in your partner, before or after kids, it may be time to sit down and have a talk with them.
Parenting is no small task, so making sure you're doing it with someone who builds you up and encourages you as a mom is one of the most crucial decisions you can make.
1. They Don't Respect Your Decisions
Respect is key in any relationship, but when you add kids to the mix, it's even more essential. How can you expect to raise respectful children if the two of you don't model respect in front of them?
2. They Go Behind Your Back
Sneakiness isn't a great quality in a parent, especially when it means making decisions without you or changing their minds often. It's important to remain unified on important issues.
3. They're Impatient
Kids will test your patience like nothing else. If your partner struggles with keeping cool, you may need to confront them about it.
4. They Can't Be Trusted
Trust, like respect, is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Parenting requires you to both be on the same page and to trust each other. If they lie to you about little things, chances are, they'll lie about bigger parenting issues too.
5. They Tend To Act Like A Child Themselves
It's hard to raise children when your partner acts like a child too. Parenting requires a lot of sacrifice and if they're not willing to give up things that will make them less responsible, they may not be ready to be a parent.
6. They're A Slob
It may seem like a small thing when you're dating or just getting to know each other, but once you bring kids into the mix things will only get messier.
7. They Don't Follow Through
Keeping your word is huge for you and for the kids. You both need someone you can rely on no matter what.
8. They're Selfish
Being a parent usually means giving up things for your child. Things like personal space and the phrase "that's mommy's ice cream" mean nothing to them, so being prepared to share time, money, and basically everything, is important.
9. They're Bad With Money
You've heard it a thousand times, but children are expensive. If your partner can't handle their own finances, chances are adding diapers and day care to the mix will only make things worse.