If you and your partner have made the decision to start a family, you might be nervous about what's in store. First off, don't listen to the naysayers, haters, or passive aggressive comments from your frenemy. What you and your significant other have chosen to do about expanding your family is no one's business but your own. With that said, you still might want to be aware that conflict can still occur — even if it's just between you and your partner. But don't worry because there are fights every couple has when trying to start a family, proving you're definitely not alone.
When you think about it, it would be weird if you and your partner didn't have at least one disagreement when discussing reproduction. After all, having a baby is kind of a big deal. There are countless ways that being a parent is totally awesome, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to get a little worried from time to time. So before you swear off sex and consider joining a monastery, remember that it's totally normal to get in arguments when it comes to starting a family. Don't believe me? Then check out these fights every couple has when they're trying to bring a baby into the world, and see if any of them sound familiar.
1. Changing Habits
If you or your partner smoke, drink, or partake of any kind of habit that a doctor might deem unhealthy, then it's likely to come up at some point during the baby-making process. Dr. Jennifer Wider, medical advisor to the Society for Women's Health Research, told Parents that, "psychologically speaking, if you feel that pregnancy made you 'give up' all these things you loved, you can pile on some resentment right out of the gate." That's why it's a good idea to try to get on the same page about lifestyle issues.
2. Worrying About Time
If you're anything like me, you might have thought you'd get pregnant the minute you threw protection out the window. So if a few months pass and there's not a positive result on the stick, it can be frustrating. As the experts at Baby Center noted, "even if you’re in your twenties and in perfect health, you have a 25 percent chance of conceiving each month." So don't beat yourself up if it doesn't happen right away.
3. Deciding On The Details
Dr. Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University, told Fit Pregnancy that there are two schools of thought when it comes to getting pregnant. "One is, 'let's see what happens,' and the other is about timing sex," she said. So if your partner is all about charting ovulation and you're more casual about it, this could definitely be a topic of discussion for you.
4. Worrying About Desertion
Blame it on hormones, but it seems that the whole process of trying to start a family can stir up some very real emotions. "Many women experience an overwhelming fear of abandonment during this time," Cathy O'Neil, author of Babyproofing Your Marriage, told Parents. Though it may be entirely unfounded, it's completely normal to suddenly wonder if the stress of trying to conceive could drive you and your partner apart.
5. Picking A Name
This one might seem trivial, but for plenty of parents-to-be, baby names can be a deal-breaker, as The Bump noted. You don't really realize how much a moniker can mean to someone until it's shot down without hesitation. I busted out laughing when my husband suggested "Garth," only to find that he felt really deeply about that choice. So try and be as kind as possible when going through the naming process.
6. Lack Of Quality Time
If you're not going through IVF or a surrogate, then you may be spending a lot of time together under the sheets (or wherever, no judgment). But that can turn into a chore for some. When sex becomes more about achieving a goal and less about nurturing intimacy, it can be the reason for tension in a relationship. According to a poll in The Wall Street Journal, couples who spend at least 20 minutes a day talking about non-baby things were more likely to feel happier in their relationship.
7. Post-Baby Issues
Don't be surprised if you're not even pregnant yet and you're already having a huge blowout over whether or not your child will be attending a public or private school. As Debra Cucci, a marriage and family therapist, told Fit Pregnancy, having a talk about future expectations, although necessary, can bring up very strong opinions for both sides. As always, a little compromise is never a bad thing.
OK, you probably knew this one was coming, but it still deserves a mention. In an interview with Parents, author of The Everything Get Ready for Baby Book, Katina Z. Jones said that money is always a reason for couples to fight. One could argue that trying to start a family might be one of the more stressful financial times in a couple's life since preparing for a baby can feel downright overwhelming.
9. The Hypotheticals
This fight is inevitable and also unsolvable since hypothetical scenarios can't be proven either way. According to the experts at Baby Center, fighting over the negative possibilities is a top source of stress for couples trying to conceive. Though it probably won't put either of you at ease, it may be helpful to remember that no one can control the future.