9 Friendship Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore, No Matter How Much You Love You BFF

by Sarah Bunton

What’s a gal without her gal pals? Well, she’s lonely for starters, but there really is something truly special about having a great circle of friends. Where would Carrie be without Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha? But not all friendships are that amazing. Shows like Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars have shown us that you can’t always trust people who say they’re your friend. Perhaps one of the few things worse than a frenemy (and an actual enemy) is noticing some major friendship red flags.

It’s a question no one really wants to ask themselves, especially not if it’s about a friend you thought was your total bestie. But it happens to everyone. It can be as simple as not being as close as you used to be with your BFF from college, or as complicated as being betrayed by someone who you thought was more like family than a friend. It’s better to recognize bad relationships sooner than later though, because you simply don’t need to tolerate toxic friendships. If you think that your friendship isn’t what it used to be or that a new friendship might be to good to be true, watch out for these friendship red flags.


She Talks Negatively About Other Friends To You

Everyone gossips from time to time and it's definitely healthy to vent. But if you notice that your friend constantly talk to you about mutual friends in a negative manner, then you have to wonder what she's saying about you when you're not there.


You Get A Lot Of Backhanded Compliments

It's one thing to joke around and be sarcastic with one another. But it's an entirely different thing if all you seem to get from your friend is backhanded compliments. Because at the end of the day, all those comments do is try to make you feel insecure.


She Disappears When Dating

Sure, new relationships can be exciting and there's nothing quite like that honeymoon phase. Yet that doesn't give your friend a free pass to drop off the face of the planet as soon as she starts dating someone new. This may be a warning sign that your friend takes you for granted and isn't willing to put in the effort.


She Makes You Feel Guilty

If every decision you make brings a cloud of guilt over your friendship, that's a problem. People, even in the closest relationships, are still allowed to do things that don't require their friend's approval or presence. It's unhealthy if your friendship has crossed the line into co-dependency and she is making you feel bad about a lot of what you do.


She's Openly Manipulative

It may innocently start out as her bragging about getting freebies from the hot barista, but before you know it, she's a full-on user and abuser. If she makes no effort to conceal her conniving ways, what does that say about her as a person? You also have to watch your own back and make sure you're not the next on her list to get manipulated.


She Turns Everything Into A Competition

Competition can be healthy in most cases. Having a friend or partner there to push you and challenge you to be your best is a great thing. But when everything turns into a comparison game, no one wins. If you mention you did something and she has to one up you, that's not helping anyone.


She's Flaky

You know the type — you make plans and she cancels at the last minute. Some people can tolerate inconsistent acquaintances, but it's different when it's someone who's supposed to be your friend. The hallmark of any good relationship is that you can depend on each other to be there. If your friend is constantly a no-show or never gives you firm answers, then it sounds like a waste of your time.


It's High-Energy Drama, All The Time

Everyone loves to grab a bucket of popcorn to watch a super intense moment, but it's not quite as entertaining in real life. If your phone and social media are constantly blowing up with urgent, the-world-is-ending type messages, you might have too much to handle. Not only is it draining to deal with someone else's exaggerated problems, but it's downright exhausting when it's 24/7. Do yourself a favor, and cut out the drama.


She's A Bully

A bully is the original definition of a toxic friend. They peer pressure people, shame anyone who disagrees, and thrive on putting others down. Whether you're on the receiving end or a silent bystander, no form of bullying or shaming should be tolerated. Send a message that this kind of behavior isn't acceptable.

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