I have yet to determine whether anyone really, truly likes Valentine's Day. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about showing our significant others a little extra love, but why only one day a year? Do we just let the other 364 days slide? While yes, if you're in a relationship, V-Day is a fun excuse to do something extra sweet for your significant other. But what about for the singles or the hopelessly unromantic? Luckily, there's a funny Valentine's Day quote for everyone— skeptics and lovers alike.
I'll apologize in advance to anyone whose favorite holiday is Valentine's Day, because though I've been happily married for a few years and appreciate the sentiment behind it, I just can't help but cringe a little bit when the supermarkets begin the transition from New Years to V-Day.
If you, like me, feel like channeling your inner April Ludgate when Feb. 14 rolls around, you're in luck. Because whether you're contentedly in a relationship, in the throws of a break up or planning a full on celebration of singles awareness day, a little bit of playful sarcasm can go a long ways in the midst of aisles of pink and red and chocolate everything.
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." — Charles Schulz
"Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone." — Lewis Black
"Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." — Jimmy Fallon
"Every year, girls are like, 'This is the year I get diamonds!' And guys are like, 'This is the year I get a blowjob!' Everybody's disappointed." — Aisha Tyler
"Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old." — Steven Colbert
"A new survey has revealed that for Valentine's Day, 30 percent of women prefer sex over flowers. The survey was from a sampling of women I've never encountered in my life." — Conan O'Brian
"I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon." —Anonymous
"Don't talk to me about Valentine's Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!" — Joan Rivers