No matter how much you love your significant other and no matter how many adorable pictures you post of each other on Instagram, the truth is all couples fight. They fight about every day tasks and about big issues that really matter. But sometimes the fights you have with your partner are not what they seem. Sometimes the fights really have nothing to do with the two of you. Sometimes they have to do with something else entirely. Often there are hidden meanings behind fights with your partner. But how do we know what they are?
Don't get me wrong. Fighting in your relationships can be healthy, and the making up can be lots of fun. What's not fun is that everyone is worse for the wear after an argument and those hurtful feeling can stay with us. So the next time you find yourself picking a fight with your significant other or they are getting angry over something completely trivial, take a step back and think about these nine hidden meanings behind fights with your partner to get to the underlying reasons. Knowing why you are really fighting could mean ending an argument before it starts or really hurting the one we love by fighting it out.
1. You Crave Intimacy
You might feel like you and your partner need a break from one another since you've been fighting a lot lately, but what might be the driving force behind those fights is that you need more time together. If you or your partner are craving intimacy and being denied it, all those fights are a way to have time with that person.
2. You're Stressed
The hidden meaning behind the bickering and lashing out at you might have nothing to do with you at all. Money, jobs, kids, family— they are all sources of stress. And that stress can spill over into your relationship and cause you to lash out at the one you love.
3. You Are Annoyed About Something Bigger
If every little thing your partner does seems worthy of a fight, it might be that you are really focused on a much bigger issues. So instead of fighting over the empty carton of milk in the fridge or whose turn is it to take out the recycling, get honest with yourself about what's really eating at you. It's probably time to stop the small fights and have that one big fight you are dreading.
4. You're Exhausted
You know how a toddler can't function if they miss a nap? Well grown adults can't function when they're skimping on sleep. Maybe you and your partner had a huge battle over all the bills, but after a good night's sleep for both of you, a solution to that fight will be a lot easier to find.
5. You're Too Happy
When things are good — like, really good — sometimes you find yourself thinking the other shoe will drop and everything will fall a part. So that argument has nothing to do with our partner but our fears that all the good will go away.
6. You Don't Know How To Fight
You are confrontational and your partner is passive aggressive. You feel like you're always shadow, boxing because you never know what they're really saying or really feeling. So all those times you think your partner is picking a fight, maybe they aren't. So this is a good time to lay it all out and talk about how you as a couple can communicate best.
7. You Grew Up Around Fighting
If you you grew up in a home where your parents had a toxic marriage, you might not have a healthy example of how to fight with the one you love. You're not trying to sabotage your love life, but you are mimicking what you grew up with.
8. You're Replaying An Old Fight
If you've walked away from an argument with your partner but never felt a real resolution, you might be tempted to bring it up again at a later time, say during another fight. So today's fight really has nothing to do with today. Rather it's all about that unresolved issue. To stop this, you and your partner have to agree that when fights are over, they are really over.
9. You're Hiding Something
If your SO is feeling guilty about something they've done, they may be sabotaging the relationship by picking fights. Rather than take the heat for their own actions, picking a fight with you means they were justified in their actions. Of course you don't want to simply jump to this conclusion, but it may be the driving force behind too many arguments.