I really hated every moment of labor. Thanks to two separate inductions, each delivery was long, painful, and felt like it would either never end or kill me in the process (side note: the second almost did). I, like many, had my partner and family members present (including in-laws) and while they were all mostly supportive, I can't forget some of the other things that happened. Among some of the infuriating things your family will do when you're in labor, let's add all of the below because, no. No to all of it.
When I finally reached the meat of the delivery for my firstborn, I don't remember any specific thing that annoyed me. That's mostly because she was the first baby and everything was new and everything annoyed me. Giving birth hurts, after all. With my youngest though, things felt different. I knew more of what to expect, who'd be in the room, and how each stage of the delivery might feel. This also means when someone did something infuriating, you bet your ass I noticed. Like, can't a gal push a human out of her body in peace (the answer is always no)?
On that note, here are some of the upsetting, downright rude things your family might do when you're busy bringing life into the world. (And FYI, next time you may reserve the right to kick them out. Just sayin'.)
They Will Ask You To Quiet Down
There was actually a time during my second delivery where, apparently, I was screaming "too loud" (because it freakin' hurt) and was asked to keep it down. Are you joking? Keep it down? How about absolutely not? Yeah, absolutely not.
If you have family watching you writhe in pain only to tell you to "shush," it's totally OK to let the rage fly. Later, you can blame it on the whole being in labor thing. Because, oh yeah, you are.
They Don't Retrieve Your Ice Chips When You're Out
I ran out of ice chips while in labor with my son, and it took me screaming my lungs out for anyone to ask a nurse for more. I'm not sure if they didn't realize how thirsty one becomes when one is is the middle of all those contractions and all that crying, but it would've been way cooler if someone just re-filled my ice chips without so much as a second thought.
They Tell You It's Too Cold In The Room
Labor is called labor because it takes a lot of work to push a baby out. I was sweating and flushed and there was no temperature that would've been cool enough. To have people covered in blankets, complaining about how uncomfortable the cold room was, well, didn't sit well with me and actually made me want to freeze everyone out.
They Leave At The Wrong Time
I get that the whole act of having a baby is long and dramatic with no end in sight. I mean, we don't exactly know when or how that baby will slide on out. So, for family members, labor and delivery means waiting.
Sorry to keep you all in suspense, guys. I'm really doing my best here, though.
Inevitably, someone will get bored and choose the wrong time to go do something and miss the birth of the baby. Just hope it's not your partner.
They Bring In Food To Eat In Front Of You
Don't you dare bring food into a birthing room! I went without food for two days, waiting on my babies to make their entrances. Not only are we working really hard, we're tired, hurting, and don't want to smell your french fries when we're in labor. OK?
They Take Pictures Without Asking
Yes, I have pictures I'm happy someone took of the labor process. No, I don't love all of the images captured. My youngest still brings out the photos book that highlights my naked nethers where his head is poking through when guests come over. For the love of all things, ask before you're snapping shots of a woman's situation.
They Ask The Doctor "How Much Longer?"
Excuse me? While I also would love to know an estimated time, the tone in your voice suggests we're impeding on your schedule. Look, if your family plans to attend the birth, they should plan to be there a long time and keep their lips zipped. Period.
They Laugh Too Much
I like to laugh and find the humor in things as much as the next girl, but as I'm grunting and pushing and sweating and screaming, I don't want to hear anyone having a good time. If you hear a snicker or ruckus nearby, you will feel like pushing the baby out faster so you can tell them to shut it and, being the one in labor, you will have the right to!
They Hold The Baby Before You
I was the first to hold my daughter. The doctor laid her on my chest, skin-to-skin, and we had a moment. My son, on the other hand, was passed around before I could look him in the eyes.
After the nurses revived him from an initial health scare, I tried to remain calm since his big sister was the first to hold him (it was her birthday so she earned that right) then my mother and mother-in-law, and on down the line until, finally, me. I was slightly sour over it, but have since let it go (kind of).
If you're in labor, make it clear who will be the first to hold the little nugget (you) or suffer the wrath of a new mother scorned. Or, so I've heard.
