9 Intimacy Mistakes That Keep You From Orgasming & How To Address Them
Sometimes, your erotic life can be perplexing. Even the most passionate people go through a dry spell or other sexual concern now and then. With this in mind, it's crucial to be aware of the intimacy mistakes that keep you from orgasming. Everything from daily stresses to side effects from medication can affect your ability to reach orgasm.
It's worth noting, however, the orgasm is not the end-all be-all of sexual experiences. In fact, persons who are anorgasmic can have perfectly happy sex lives. For the most part, however, it's normal and healthy to desire an orgasm now and then, and it can be frustrating when they aren't easy to come by.
There are a number of reasons your orgasm might be somewhat elusive. Mixed feelings about your relationship, stress from your job, or even just neglecting to hit the right spot can complicate your ability to climax. In these cases, trying to reach orgasm can feel like you're chasing a mirage in the desert. You get so close, and then . . . nothing happens.
Fortunately, there are plenty of strategies you can try to reach your peak. Relaxing, extending your foreplay, or even lighting a few candles might help matters. Hopefully, one of these solutions will help you become more orgasmic again.
1. You Overthink
It's a familiar scenario: you want to get in the mood, but your brain won't stop running through your to-do list. As explained in Cosmopolitan, when your brain is in stress mode, it's almost impossible to hit the big O. Taking time to de-stress is crucial for your overall wellness, and it might help your love life, too.
2. You Skip Clit Contact
For many people, the clitoris is basically magical. According to an often-recited statistic, 70 percent of women need clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm, as noted in Psychology Today. Try to pay more attention to your clit before and during intercourse.
3. You Move Too Fast
Sure, cuddling up while watching your show together is lovely, but in general you'll need a little more stimulation than what your favorite characters can offer. (And if you can get to the brink of orgasm just by watching the latest series? More power to you.) But for real: most people prefer at least 18 minutes of foreplay before the main event, as explained in Women's Health. Don't skip the kissing.
4. You Don't Practice Solo
Sometimes you need to take matters into your own hands. As noted on Net Doctor, knowing how you orgasm solo is often the best way to get there with a partner. Why not schedule some alone time this week?
5. You Avoid Technology
It's generally healthy to unplug from all technology now and then. But as far as your sex life is concerned, embracing the latest tech just might help push you over the edge. As noted in Cosmopolitan, using a vibrator during coupled sex might help you take things to the next level. Hey, a little experimentation never hurt.
6. You Neglect Muscle Tension
At first this sounds like a contradiction: don't you need to relax to enjoy sex? But as explained on WebMD, a certain amount of muscle tension in your legs, abdomen, and butt can help you reach orgasm. Try flexing those muscles the next time you get down.
7. You Overlook Relationship Issues
Sometimes the trouble starts outside the bedroom. As explained by Everyday Health, feelings of tension in the relationship can zap your sex drive. Getting those issues out in the open might be the best course of action.
8. You Aren't Setting The Mood
Most people can't escape to the honeymoon suite of a luxury hotel every time they feel the urge. But that doesn't mean you have to have sex under the harsh glare of fluorescent overhead lights. A few candles and some soft music can go a long way toward setting the mood, and hopefully putting you in the right frame of mind for achieving orgasm.
9. You Ignore Side Effects From Medication
If nothing else seems to be working, then you may want to double-check your medicine cabinet. According to Shape, medications such as antidepressants and blood pressure meds can decrease your sex drive. Have a chat with your doctor about potential solutions if this is a concern.