The female body is a diverse and lush landscape full of mysteries and myths a plenty. So it should come as no surprise that when it comes to sex, there are just as many mysteries and myths floating around out there. Specifically, there seem to be enough orgasm myths to last a lifetime. From how to achieve an orgasm to how many times you can orgasm in one session, the number of questionable ideas that exist are too many to count. Rather than ignoring all of them, it's time to take these common orgasm myths and dispel them for good.
Between what you see on TV shows, read in book, and hear through the grapevine, knowing the solid facts about what an orgasm is "supposed" to be like can leave you feeling dizzy, confused, and uneducated. And, unfortunately, we live in a world where you don't often hear about women who can't achieve orgasm and romantic comedies where the sex is bad are few and far between. But don't worry, it's not all mind blowing, life changing, simultaneous orgasms out there. In fact, some women orgasm without even knowing it. Read on for the nine orgasm myths you need to stop believing and start dispelling.
Myth #1: Multiple Orgasms Are A Piece Of Cake
Jenny Block, author of O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm refers to women as a lucky bunch with the capacity for multiple orgasms. She goes on to state that just because women have the capacity, doesn't mean that all women, or even most women actually have them. And for those that do? It doesn't mean it's easy, or that it'll happen every time you have sex, or masturbate.
Myth #2: Women Reach Orgasm Through Intercourse
According to a study done by the Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists of Canada, about a third of women never achieve orgasm during intercourse. In fact, only 30 percent of women orgasm regularly through intercourse and the rest require additional clitoral stimulation to climax. Most women, including those who never achieve orgasm during intercourse, are able to do so by manual and oral stimulation. Getting your orgasm from somewhere other than intercourse is considered normal in the world of female sexuality, because an orgasm is an orgasm, no matter the method.
Myth #3: All Positions Are Created Equal
If you think you should be able to reach orgasm no matter what position you're in, you're wrong. There are positions that increase your likelihood to orgasm, like woman-on top,where you get added clitoral stimulation to help you reach orgasm.
Myth #4: Sex Is Only Good If You Orgasm
An orgasm during sex doesn't necessarily signify great sex, and it's not even key for a woman (or a man) to enjoy sexual acts. Often times, partners can get caught up in the idea of reaching climax and forget about the feelings, sensations, and pleasure of having sex. In 2012, ABC News reported on the trend of karezza, where couples intentionally avoid orgasm in order to focus on the sexual energy between them, creating lasting bonds of intimacy rather than participating in conventional sex. Though karezza might not be everyone's cup of tea, the couples involved told ABC News that they're not only sexually satisfied, but feel closer to one another than ever.
Myth #5: You Can't Achieve An Orgasm While Wearing A Condom
There is not world in which safe sex should be ignored for the sake of an orgasm. If someone claims they can't orgasm without a condom, then it's time to get creative, rather than ditching the protection all together. The International Business Times reported on a study done by the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior in the United States, which found no significant differences in men's erections while using condoms or lubricant. Safer sex is sexier, because your brain is running about pregnancy, STIs, and other dangers of unprotected sex, and allows you to focus on your partner.
Myth #6: All Women Can Reach Orgasm Easily
According to author and sexologist Betty Dodson, women need 20 to 30 minutes of clitoral stimulation on average, in order to reach climax. Dodson goes on to state that though a combination of activities is generally preferred by most women, that there are no guarantees when it comes to time, and the female orgasm.
Myth #7: All Orgasms Are An Earth Shattering Experience
Women can have orgasms that are not mind blowing forces of nature. In fact, according to Brown University, some women can experience orgasms without even feeling their pelvic muscles contract. Though most orgasmic contractions occur in the lower part of the vagina, with only ten percent of women ejaculating fluid from the urethra when they orgasm, not all women have the same experiences during orgasm, meaning not all orgasms were created equal.
Myth #8: If You're Not Reaching Orgasm, Your Partner Is Bad In Bed
Your partner can certainly help you reach orgasm, but at the end of the day, you're responsible for whether or not you climax. For women, sex is just as much psychological as well as physical. A recent study in the journal Sexologies found women who think erotic thoughts during sex have a higher chance of achieving an orgasm. If you're unable to reach orgasm with your partner, it doesn't mean they're bad in bed, it just means the two of you need to communicate in order to create an environment where both of you feel sexual pleasure and desire.
Myth #9: Simultaneous Orgasms Are The Norm
Movie after movie perpetuates the myth that couples orgasm at the same time, with loud moments of passion and romance, making you feel closer than ever to your partner. In real life, it's just not that common. According to Women's Health, quite a bit of work goes into having a simultaneous orgasm with your partner. So if you're not experiencing simultaneous orgasm? Don't worry. You're certainly not the only one.