Look, you guys! Another debate between a slew of candidates we mostly won't remember in a few months! The fourth GOP presidential primary debate Tuesday night took place in Milwaukee and focused on the economy. Yes, all your favorite candidates were there... and by "favorites" I mean "the candidates your Conservative family members and former classmates post about adoringly on Facebook and make you thank goodness you're only connected to these people anymore by Facebook." If you're a glutton for punishment, tonight's debate was a veritable cornucopia of frustration. But you knew that already, didn't you?
The topic of this debate was important to feminists because economic issues are feminist issues. It's not like we're only allowed to be interested in discussions on abortion access, pay gaps, and Shonda Rhimes. Not to mention that if it ain't intersectional, it ain't feminism, so issues pertaining to immigration, LGBT rights, foreign policy that will affect millions of women, girls, and families around the world (all of which came up in some way, shape, or form) are feminist issues. So how did the Grand Old Party do on the feminist front? Well, their answers (and non-answers) have really just led me to ask more questions. Here are a few of my most burning:
Why Do You Hate A Living Wage? Is It Because You Hate Living Voters?
Nobody was for raising the minimum wage to $15. Because of course they're not. Because bootstraps and dependency and some bullsh*t. Hey guys: Don't you need voters who are, like, not dead from starvation or freezing in the winter because they couldn't afford to pay their heating bill? Kudos to Ben Carson for the first cluelessly condescending soundbyte of the evening:
People need to be educated on the minimum wage
To be clear, I'm talking about millionaire neurosurgeon Ben Carson. Oh please, doctor. Could you start by explaining it to the people actually attempting to live on the minimum wage? I'm sure they'd love to hear your insights.
Why Does Jeb Not Have A Texas Accent But George W. Does?
This isn't a feminist question, really, but I'm super curious. What is the deal with that?
Why Are You All So Obsessed With Hillary?
Kasich trash talked her, Bush did too (seven times... it was starting to creep into Clint Eastwood yelling at invisible Obama territory), Fiorina was asked about her. Rand Paul mentioned her. Ben Carson called her a liar and hissed her name as though the words themselves were dripping with venom. As a reminder, Hillary Clinton was not present. Yes, she's the Democratic front runner and one of these folks will likely be going against her in the actual election (OMG guys, we haven't even gotten to the real election yet. THIS IS TAKING FOREVER!), but cool your jets, people. Now is the time to focus on trashtalking each other. (This also makes for way more entertaining debates. Food for thought...)
No Really, Donald Trump, What Is Your Deal With Immigrants?
Donald, are you doing that thing where you have a bad dream about someone (in this case, all illegal immigrants), and they're really awful in the dream and then you get mad at them in real life even though they've never slighted you in anyway? Because that's what it feels like. Tonight and in the past, you've talked about how illegal immigration is "hurting us from every standpoint" (you were sure to include talk of drugs again), but you don't really get too terribly specific about this. It's almost as though you realized your particular brand of bigotry resonates with your base so you harp on it in nebulous terms whenever you get the chance...
Carly Fiorina And Ted Cruz, What Do You Guys Have Against Reading?
Carly Fiorina wants a 3-page-long tax code. Ted Cruz bemoaned the fact that the IRS code has more words than the Bible. Personally, I don't think a tax code regulating a country of 318 million people needs to be shorter than a dinner menu.
Rubio, Let's Talk About The Most Important Job For A Second.
"The most important job I will ever have, or that anyone in this room will ever have, is the job of being a parent," Rubio said. Then as he repeated his point he misspoke and said "president" when he meant "parent" which was funny in its Freudianess. But he is pretty specific about whom he would like to have that job: straight, married people. In fact, Rubio said that children being raised by a gay couple were being forced to live a "social experiment." Hey Marco, did you know that this social experiment has been going on for a long time now (believe it or not, there were gay people before you first saw an episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy back in 2003), and they've had kids for a long time, too. In fact, things are looking pretty good for the children of gay and lesbian couples.
Am I A Bad Feminist If I Loved Rand Paul For A Millisecond For Embarrassing Trump Into Silence?
After Trump went on and on about China hoodwinking the U.S. and all the horrible shenanigans they will wreak upon us through the Trans-Pacific Partnership, Rand Paul calmly informed the GOP front-runner that China is not part of the deal.
It. Was. Glorious.
Credit where credit's due, Senator. Well done.
I'm Sorry, Did Trump Really Just Single Out Fiorina For Interrupting?
First of all, everyone interrupted. Kasich was basically the King of the Interrupters in a desperate bid to get people to notice him. I get it Donald, this is a sausage fest, so maybe a woman's voice is more jarring to you than another man's, but that doesn't make you any less of a condescending chauvinist.
Does It Make Me A Bad Feminist That I Was Way More Interested In The Chris Hemsworth Whale Movie Trailer Than I Was About Anything You People Were Going On About?
It aired during the first commercial break. It looks awesome. As awesome as this horrible debate wasn't. Next time, maybe the debate should focus on 19th century whaling.
Images: Getty Images(10)