9 Ridiculous Questions My Toddler Asks Me Before Noon

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My son is the king of curiosity. Before I've managed to open my eyelids each morning, he's hovering over me, standing tall as could be and ready to ask another long list of inquiries I have absolutely no answer for. Some of the ridiculous questions my toddler asks me before noon are pretty magical, but, well, others are just weird. Just this morning, as we rushed to get him dressed and out the door for school, he wondered why anyone has to wear pants if animals don't. I was stumped. I mean, the kid has a point.

My oldest is 10 years old and while she was just as curious and inquisitive as any other toddler at that age, my son is on another level. He watches a lot of Marvel superhero movies, and can often be found building immaculate structures with Legos, so I have no doubt his little brain is gushing with potential. I don't want to dismiss anything he asks, or make him feel as though he shouldn't ask me questions, because even if I don't have an answer then and there, I'm impressed with some of the thoughts swirling around and inside his head.

However, some days (like today), I'm just not prepared for the seemingly endless interrogation. Maybe I didn't sleep well, or I'm literally still asleep when he's ready to gab, but regardless, here are some of the ridiculous questions he's asked me before the day is even half over.

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"Where Does The Internet Live?"


My son likes to ask the kind of questions that have me scratching my head for the rest of the day. The best part is, he won't forget and will circle back around to a specific question until I have a sufficient answer.

While playing a game on my phone, he asked this question. I'd only just poured my first cup of coffee and the sun had barely risen, so obviously, I told him the internet lives in space. No follow-up question, please.

"Why Can't Animals Talk Like Us?"


I believe I've tackled this one before but, today, my fuse was a bit short due to lack of sleep. Today, all I could offer was, "They just don't."

"Do I Have To Wear Pants?"


I mean, yes, we all have to wear bottoms when we leave the house, because that's what's considered socially acceptable. However, do you always have to wear pants? I mean, I suppose you could choose shorts, right? Like, come one, dude — it's 6 a.m. Just put the pants on.

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"Why Is Your Hair Pulled Back?"


My son has notoriously questioned my hair and how I decide to wear it. He seems to prefer it down and long. If I put it in a pony tail (today), or cut it short, he doesn't understand it, won't go near it, and will ask repeatedly "How long until it's better?" He's amazing for my self-esteem.

"Can I Stay Awake Forever?"


The best questions are the philosophical ones. Well, until I understand what kind of answer my son is after when he waxes philosophically about the meaning of life and all it entails. I tried explaining why the human body needs sleep. I droned on and on, as my coffee settled into my veins. It wasn't until looking at his blank stare that I realized he meant would I let him stay awake forever. As in, can he skip a nap (even though he's sick). Sigh.

"Do I Have To Blow My Nose Again?"


Even with snot hanging from his nose, my son had the gall to ask if he actually needed to wipe it. I get that he's tired of going through all the Kleenex in the house, but is that worse than going to school with that stuff on his face? He seems to think so. #momlife

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"Why Are Our Eyes Different Colors?"


While waiting to walk him into school, he became fascinated with his eyes in the drop down mirror, then asked to see my eyes, too. Wondering why our eyes are different colors isn't so ridiculous, honestly. However, the follow-up Spiderman reference to it definitely is, in my opinion. "Is it because I'm The Sandman and you're MJ?"

Yeah, son. That's right.

"Can Blankie Drive The Car Today?"


I'm asked a variation of this at some point everyday. Blankie and his stuffed puppy are his best mates, so I get why he'd want them to drive instead of his, you know, completely qualified human mother. I usually tell him they don't have a license. Today, before I could use that specific response, he assured me they took their driver's tests and are legally able to drive now. So, I guess he wins?

"Are You 150 Years Old?"


I don't know why age has been on my son's mind lately, but I find it ridiculous and insulting to have to explain my age so often. When I told him how old I was the other day, he was "shocked." Today, he went straight for the jugular, insisting I'm "an old granny at 150 years old." I walked him into the school immediately after. Mental fatigue is a real thing and he'll be back soon enough, loaded with a new crop of questions.

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