When you and your partner have been together for a long time, it's natural to think more critically about what your future holds. Are you meant to be together long-term? Will you get married? Will you break up? Will you have kids? If you think that your partner is, in fact, your soulmate, it could be for a number of reasons. Maybe it's because you're compatible, or maybe it's because you've been together a long time. If it's the latter, you might want to look out for signs you're forcing it and your partner is not your soulmate.
It's understandable that, if you've been together for a long time, you might think that that simple fact, in and of itself, means that the two of you are soulmates and meant to be together forever, but that's not necessarily true. Actually evaluating your relationship, rather than relying on the fact that you've been together for a certain amount of time or even that you think that you love them, can give you a better sense of whether or not they're the one. You might be seeing things that aren't there, or you might be pushing it too much, forcing a soulmate-level relationship where there isn't one. Luckily, there are some signs to help you sort it all out.
1. You Want A Wedding Or Kids More Than You Want To Be With Your Partner
Some people spend a lot of their life thinking that they'll get married and have a gorgeous wedding, followed shortly by kids. In a piece that she wrote for her own website, Kelly Ann Garnett, a life coach, soulmate attraction coach, and speaker, wrote that if you're impatient to have a wedding, kids, the perfect house, or just to no longer be single, you might be settling, or forcing something that isn't there. If the person themselves doesn't matter as much as all of those other things, they're probably not your soulmate.
2. You Two Don't Have The Same Values
Shared values are really important in a relationship, and if the person you're with is your soulmate, it's only logical that you'll have many shared values. Psychotherapist Avery Neal, M.A., LPC., told Bustle that you and your soulmate might not necessarily always have the same opinions on things, but that you'll generally always feel like you're on the same team. Your soulmate will care about what you care about and vice versa.
3. You Feel Lonely When You're Together
It's possible to feel lonely when you're in a crowd, but you don't particularly want to feel like you're alone when you're with your soulmate. In an interview with Reader's Digest, Dr. Gary Brown, Ph.D., L.M.F.T., a marriage and family therapist, said that if your partner is spending all their time focusing on their phone, the TV, or something else to divert their attention, it could be because they don't actually know how to connect with you. If this is a struggle you're facing, it's likely that the person isn't actually your soulmate.
4. They're Not All That Reliable
You want to feel as though your partner will follow through when they say they'll do something. In a piece that they wrote for YourTango, Dr. Charles Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz, relationship counselors, wrote that lack of follow through or lots of broken promises doesn't bode well for the relationship. If they don't hold up their end of the bargain, at least most of the time, they're probably not the one you should be with.
5. You Want To Change Each Other To Fit The Other's Ideal
If either you or your partner (or both) can't seem to accept one another as you are, then you're likely not soulmates, regardless of how much you think you love each other. Alicia H. Clark, a psychologist, told HuffPost that the person for you appreciates you for who you are and doesn't try to "fix" you or make you fit a certain mold. If you feel as though you need to change one another, it's probably not going to end well.
6. They Take You For Granted
You want to feel appreciated in your relationship, not taken for granted. In a piece that she wrote for Psychology Today, Dr. Berit Brogaard, D.M.Sci., Ph.D., wrote that if your partner takes you for granted, it's just not meant to be. If they aren't able to acknowledge the things that you do or express gratitude for things that you do for them, they're probably not your soulmate.
7. They Take Stress & Problems Out On You
It's understandable that you both will want to occasionally vent about your individual stressors or consult one another for advice about problems you're experiencing, but it's not OK for them to take everything out on you when it's not your fault. In an interview with Reader's Digest for the aforementioned article, Lynn Zakeri, L.C.S.W., a licensed clinical social worker, said that if your partner makes you feel terrible about their stress or their issues, that's a sign that they're not the one for you.
8. You Think About Life With Someone Else
In a different article from Bustle, therapist Kimberly Hershenson, L.M.S.W., said that if you're thinking about what life would be like with someone else, whether it's a specific person or just in general, that might be a sign that the relationship isn't meant to be. Though you might think that an occasional thought about what it'd be like with someone else is completely harmless, it could also be an indicator that the person you're with isn't your soulmate.
9. You Feel Like You Can't Completely Be Yourself
If you feel as though you can't be wholly who you are whenever you're around them, that's a dead giveaway that they might not be the right person for you. In the previously-mentioned post on her website, Garnett wrote that your real soulmate and the one you should be with will love your quirks and true personality, even the parts of yourself that you might not feel comfortable showing everyone else. Ultimately, if you can't be you, then they're probably not your soulmate.
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