Falling out of love is never a great feeling, but sometimes you hit a point in a relationship where you just need to part ways. It’s better to just admit that you’ve drifted apart instead of waiting until you’re both fed up and headed for an acrimonious breakup. Being mature and taking notice of the signs you’re no longer in love with your significant other can save you both a ton of heartbreak down the road. It sucks, but it’s still a better choice than staying in an increasingly distressful relationship.
And yes, the idea of dissolving a relationship and getting back to Internet dating may be daunting, but there are some cases when this is the best option for both people. If you’re having screaming fights every day then, yes, the idea to split is obvious. But sometimes the signs of lost love are much quieter, though no less destructive to the relationship.
Again — this sucks! No one wants to fall out of love. But knowing these signs, and agreeing to call it a day instead of hanging on to a relationship that is no longer benefitting you, can help pave the way for even better relationships in your future.
1. You Feel Obligated To Have Sex
If the idea of sex with your SO makes you feel "meh," it may be a good time to reassess the relationship. "Once sex becomes a task, the love and lust in the relationship quickly go downhill," psychologist Sherrie Campbell told the Huffington Post. While that honeymoon phase fades for everyone, if sex straight-up feels like a chore, your relationship is probably not in a good place.
2. Your Differences Are Hard To Resolve
No two people will agree about everything, but having too much difficulty solving differences is not a great sign. As psychologist Susan Heitler noted in Psychology Today, when couples "have a hard time talking over differences constructively" it may signal the love is fading. Hanging up on the same issues over and over is not fun for anyone.
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3. Your Communication Is Lacking
Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. If you get the "feeling that your lover is questioning his or her feelings towards you," as explained in Elite Daily, you may be falling out of love. Talking about things that are bothering you is a key part of making your relationship work.
4. You Feel Embarrassed Regularly
If your SO's behavior frequently leaves you mortified, this is a pretty bad sign. Glamour noted that if "he embarrasses you" regularly, then it's a likely you are no longer that into him. Because feeling on edge about whether your grown partner will behave appropriately around family or colleagues is no way to live.
5. You Fantasize About Life Without Them
Does the single life sound amazing? As relationship therapist Jamie Turndorf said in Redbook, "detaching psychologically by fantasizing about having an affair or making plans for the future that don't include your partner can all be signs that you've fallen out of love." It might be time to turn those fantasies into reality by parting ways.
6. You Don't Respect One Another
If you continually feel dismissed and disrespected, then the relationship is not in a good place. "Marriages that reach this place are toxic—you're no longer civil, and all discourse is either attacking or defending," Elayne Savage, psychologist and author of Breathing Room: Creating Space to Be a Couple, told Woman's Day. Because respect is such a crucial component of a relationship, once it's gone you may need to get out.
7. You Get Frustrated Easily
You used to overlook the small things, but now the way your SO chews, loads the dishwasher, or even breathes is starting to completely drive you up the wall. As clinical psychologist and marriage counselor Randi Gunther said in the Huffington Post, partners who are falling out of love tend to "hold on to and exaggerate irritating behaviors." Chances are your SO isn't the world's most obnoxious chewer, but your overall frustration with the relationship means you get irritated with their behaviors quickly.
8. You Fight Dirty
It's possible to argue in a productive manner without resorting to nasty name-calling. But as Susan Orenstein, a licensed psychologist and relationship expert, said on Psych Central, couples who find themselves "yelling, saying hurtful comments to and about their spouse" during arguments are fighting dirty. If this is the case, then you should get help with a couples therapist — or just get out.
9. You Don't Miss Them When You're Apart
If you feel the most chill when they're gone, chances are your relationship is winding down. As noted in Cosmopolitan, if you "don't miss him when you guys are apart" it's a pretty sure sign that you've fallen out of love. The time has likely come for you to part ways.