I've often not-so-secretly hoped that one day I would marry the man with whom I had the best sex of my life, because sexual satisfaction can be a very important component of a happy union. Of course, being in a committed relationship doesn't guarantee perfection and your sex life may sometimes be a bit lacking. What's worse is that you may not even realize that something is missing. There are, however, signs that you're not as sexually satisfied as you think, and they're important for all couples to understand.
According to YourTango, some of the reasons that women are dissatisfied with their sex lives include poor communication, having a busy schedule, the sex itself becoming boring, not feeling sexy anymore, and feeling sexually frustrated. But that's not the whole story. Being sexually unsatisfied can lead to a sexless marriage and married women who would rather go to sleep than have sex, which not what most strive towards when entering into a partnership.
Although there can be various reasons why you've suddenly gone from loving your sex life to not having as good a time in the bedroom as before, understanding some of those issues is important to fixing the problem. Here are nine signs that you might be sexually unsatisfied.
1. You're Getting Distracted
One way to know if you're not quite satisfied with your sex life is if you are getting easily distracted during sex. Although distraction is common, particularly when stressed, certified sex therapist and owner of Cleveland Relationship Therapy Ashley Grinonneau-Denton tells Romper that you ask yourself a few pointed questions about why exactly your mind is wandering:
- Where is my mind going?
- What is taking my attention away?
- What could make this more exciting?
2. You're Not Communicating
If you're not communicating outside of the bedroom, then it's unlikely you are as fully satisfied as you could be. Certified sex therapist and author of Playtime: A Guide to Sexual Conquests for Women Amanda Pasciucco tells Romper that this may be because open communication is crucial to sexual satisfaction between partners.
"If you tell your partner what you like, physically, emotionally, and intellectually, when it comes to sex, you usually are sexually satisfied," she says. "Sexual satisfaction comes when you are fulfilled in all of these ways. It is the connection of your body to feelings of pleasure."
3. You're Not Being Mindful
Other than good communication, another thing that you have to keep in mind if you want to be sexually satisfied is being mindful of your body and needs, clinical sexologist and best-selling author of Mastering Multiple Position Sex Eric Marlowe Garrison explains to Romper. Although honesty is important for communication, being mindful is crucial to understanding your own body's needs — and how you're feeling. He also recommends that couples stay mindful of what each other is feeling as well, since you need both partners for true sexual satisfaction.
4. You're Masturbating More
If you find yourself taking more solo trips than ever, or fear that your partner is doing the same, then the truth is that you might be sexually unsatisfied deep down. Licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes Dr. Rachel Needle tells Romper that masturbating more may be an indicator that you are looking for other ways to feel sexy and sexual outside of the time you spend connecting with your partner in the bedroom.
5. You're Really Irritable
Another way to identify that you are sexually unsatisfied, according to Needle, is that you're more irritable than ever. If you find your partner constantly joking about how you're turned into Grumpy and wondering what the matter is when nothing in life seems to be going wrong, then you might unhappy in the bedroom. Even your friends might begin to notice your sour mood after a while.
6. You're Feeling "Off"
Grinonneau-Denton says that another sign of sexual unsatisfaction is simply that feeling where something is "off" and you're not sure what it is.
"Chances are, however, that whether or not physical signs are offering any clues, your emotional self is probably driving 'the something isn't right train'," she says. "When sex becomes routine, it is quite understandable that something might seem off."
7. You're Leaving The Bed Quickly
A sign of being sexually unsatisfied that is very subtle is leaving the bed shortly after being sexual with your partner. If the first thing you want to do after being intimate with your partner is leave them again, then there might be a problem, Needle says. This is likely the result of you looking to disconnect from your partner by putting your energy into other areas of life. Getting up and out of bed is not only a sign of further distraction in your sex life, but it's also a sign that you are not satisfied.
8. You're Fantasizing About Others
Although it's normal for fantasy to play a role in your sex life, constantly fantasizing about others may be another sign that you are sexually unsatisfied, according to Pasciucco. This is a mental symptom of being unsatisfied and can also manifest itself by you feeling disappointed in yourself and in your partner. If you can't keep your mind on the person you're right, that may indicate an issue.
9. You're Withholding Sex
Pasciucco also tells Romper about one very dangerous emotional sign of sexual unsatisfaction: withholding sex from your partner. Although you might get upset with your sexual partner and begin to resent or ignore them, withholding sex from them because you are sexually frustrated is a clear sign that something simply isn't right in your relationship.