Though it may seem like a simple act, sex is one of the most complicated and sometimes confusing activities to be a part of. Whether with a partner or solo, sex is an opportunity for you to explore pleasure. It's no longer thought of as taboo to enjoy sex; to be in touch with your body. And yet some women still aren't quite in touch with their bodies when it comes to sex. So what are some things that'll make sex feel better? Because if there's anything I'm sure of, it's that sex should feel good, not just for one party involved, but for the both of you.
And though it may seem like a no brainer, for many woman, knowing how to make sex feel good is not that easy. So if you find yourself struggling to enjoy sex, whether your mind's not in it or your body doesn't seem to be all that interested, don't give up. Instead, give the following suggestions a shot. Though there's no one-trick-fix-all when it comes to sex, there are a cornucopia of suggestions from doctors, therapists, and women just like you. So open your mind, and read on to find out a few of the things that'll make sex feel better.
1. Know Your Own Body
One of the first steps to enjoying sex is knowing what makes you tick. If you're not sure what turns you on, use solo sex to figure it out. "Know your erogenous areas," sex coach Amy Levine told Everyday Health. When you know what makes you feel good, you're more likely to utilize that knowledge during sex with a partner.
2. Show Your Partner What You Like
Believe it or not, your partner is not a mind reader. Once you know what you like, you can guide your partner to pleasing you. And communication is key when you're working with your partner to achieve a better sex life. Levine suggested showing him or her what feels best by guiding their hands on your body, and physically showing them what feels good for you.
3. Don't Rush
According to relationship therapist and a sex educator Laura Berman, it takes women much longer to reach their arousal peak than it does for men. "While some men can become orgasmic in less than a few minutes, women can take up to 20 minutes to reach their arousal peak," Berman told Everyday Health. Rather than rushing to keep up with your partner, take your time. Attempting sex before your mind and body are in it to win it can make sex painful and uncomfortable. By honoring your state of arousal, you'll eliminate the possibility of rushing into sex before your body's prepared, and increase the possibility of sex feeling good.
4. Try Something New
Got a fantasy? Share it with your partner. The idea that men are somehow the only creatures with fantasies or the desire to shake things up in the bedroom just isn't true. Wendy Walsh, Ph.D. and author of The 30-Day Love Detox, told Women's Health that women are even more likely to crave something new in the bedroom. So rather than keeping it to yourself, suggest it to your partner. Listen to their desires, and share yours. Then try something new. If you're feeling stuck in a funk with your partner, breaking out of the routine could help the both of you.
5. Don't Be Afraid To Get Involved
"Most wome need some sort of clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm," Dr. Charlie Glickman of Good Vibrations told PopSugar. If you're in that group, consider getting a little more hands on in your own sex life, suggested Glickman. The first thing he suggested was adding clitoral stimulation to your vaginal sex. Whether it's your fingers, your partner's fingers, a vibrator or another toy, it's a great way to get more involved and to feel great during sex.
6. Use The Right Lube
Lube isn't just for old ladies anymore. And considering that women rarely get the full 20 minutes of foreplay it takes to reach peak arousal, there are more reasons to use lube than ever. According to Levine, there are three common types of lubricants, and a reason to consider each type. First and foremost, make sure you're selecting a vagina-friendly brand that doesn't have a slew of chemicals in the ingredients list. Consider an organic lube, and if you're using latex condoms, Levine said to avoid oil-based lubricants. If you're going solo, you'll want to avoid silicone-based lubes with silicone toys, because according to Levine, it can cause the toys to deteriorate.
7. Stop Faking It
If you didn't have fun on a date, you wouldn't suffer through another one, right? So why not keep the same standards in the bedroom? "You should never fake an orgasm," Dr. Wendy Walsh told Women's Health. “That thing he was doing wrong — he’s now going to keep doing it.” Don't encourage your partner when they're doing something you don't like. Not only does it promote dishonesty in the bedroom, it doesn't get you anywhere.
8. Make The Mental Connection
Sex is more mental than you might think. In order to get in touch with your body, with your own pleasure, you have to be in the right head space. Joy Davidson, sex therapist and author of Fearless Sex told Fitness that you're more apt to be turned on if you're tuned in. "Whenever you're tuned in to your body and what it's capable of, you're naturally more sensual," Davidson said. So while you're in the act, try to focus on it. If you're running through a list of things you need at the grocery store, chances are you're not really getting much out of the encounter.
9. Be Vocal
“People learn to play each other’s instruments, and then they go to the same two spots,” Walsh told Women's Health. “But you become accustomed to that and you can become numb emotionally and physically. Then things just don’t work as well as they did before.” If it's not working for you? Speak up. Because when it comes to great sex, honesty is key. And I'm willing to bet your partner would rather help you find a way to get you off than have you fake it. If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. There are plenty of other positions and places to try out. That the beauty of sex, is that it's no longer relegated to the missionary position.