OK, this is going into some treacherous territory, so hear me out. Yes, open and honest communication is the key to maintaining healthy sexual relationships. Yes, you should not disregard your own pleasure for the purpose of appeasing a partner. And yes, you should have as many real orgasms as you please. But sometimes life gets in the way of these ideals, and there are occasionally times when it's OK to fake an orgasm.
Now, you should feign the Big O all the time. If you’re regularly having trouble reaching climax in sex, then this is something you and your partner should discuss openly and work toward remedying. (For instance, you may want to try some of the sex positions that are better for achieving female orgasm than others.). And "training" your partner to believe that certain moves will get you there when they don't will only hamper your relationship. But there are times when, for whatever reason, you’re just ready to get things done and go about your day while sparing your partner’s ego. If you just decide to pull off a fake on occasion, then you probably aren’t doing much damage to your sex life. Sometimes it’s just the easiest way to bring the evening to a close, especially on occasions when your mind is just not in the game. It’s just a holdover move until you and your SO have the time and energy to get you to the real thing.
1. You're Exhausted
Sometimes the only thing you want to do in bed is sleep. As Anna Breslaw candidly put it in Cosmopolitan, "if it ain't happening, nothing brings a surefire end to sex more than a mutual orgasm (even if one party fakes it)." Then you can get what your body really wants: sleep.
2. The Clock Is Ticking
If you take 20 minutes to gear up, but you and your SO only have 10 minutes for a quick session, well, sometimes a little acting won't hurt. "Women often fake orgasms if they're feeling time constraints," as noted on the Divine Caroline. As long as you usually make time for a more fulfilling session, faking your way through a quickie probably isn't the worst thing in the world.
3. Your Body Is Not Gearing Up
Hey, sometimes it's like cranking up a motor that just won't catch. Elite Daily's Zara Barrie dubbed this "The 'I Didn’t Finish, But I’m Finished' Orgasm." And hey, just because you aren't climaxing doesn't mean you aren't having any fun.
4. It's A ONS You're Ready To Ditch
Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. But if you aren't feeling it with your one night stand, take heart. Daily Mail reported that only about "40 percent of women orgasm during causal sex." If you just want to fake it so you can bail, there's no shame.
5. The Position Is Not Your Favorite
Maybe your partner loves reverse cowgirl, but you could take it or leave it. Pretending to "get there" can add to the overall experience, and signal when you're ready to stop. "Sometimes a partner will want to keep having sex until their partner finishes," psychologsit John M. Grohol told PsychCentral. "A fake orgasm brings sex to an end quickly." There's no harm in indulging on occasion.
6. You've Already Had A Real One
Maybe you're already satiated for the evening, but your partner is in hot pursuit of the mythical multiple orgasm. (Yeah, this is more about ego than intimacy.) As Everyday Health noted, "you might find yourself faking orgasm so that your partner feels good about his efforts." At this point, just playing along for a few moments is okay.
7. You're Shy About Sharing Info With New Partners
This is very common. Psychologist Deborah Anapol told Psychology Today that women may be afraid to show their real feelings if the experience doesn't fit their picture of what’s supposed to happen in bed. As long as you're working toward more open communication in the future, it's okay if you're a little hesitant about sharing what really works with your new SO.
8. You're Just Happy To Be Along For The Ride
Not every session has to be so goal-focused. As Virginia Ironside noted on the Daily Mail, people "can't all be on tip-top sexual form all the time, and isn't a bit of faking just good manners"? Sometimes, it's fun to just enjoy yourself without the pressure of attaining a real climax.
9. You Want To Gear Up For A Real One
Fake it till you make it? Yes. Erin Cooper, who co-authored a study about faking orgasms for The Journal of Sexual Archives, told the Huffington Post that faking it could just be one of the "'tools in the toolbox' women may use to enhance their own sexual experience." This is probably the best reason of all to ever fake it.