Is maintenance the least-sexy word of all time? It conjures up images of oil changes, lawn care, and electrical bills. But maintenance sex is a thing for some couples, and the tips to make maintenance sex hot can prevent this act of fun from feeling like a routine chore.
For starters, the idea of maintenance sex is somewhat fraught with controversy. According to a 2013 piece in The Huffington Post, maintenance sex is a myth that perpetuates the idea of male sexuality as an impulse without meaning. However, a 2015 Jezebel article posits that maintenance sex is a component of most every long-term sexual relationship: gay, straight, bi, or any other arrangement. For some people, occasionally having sex when your partner is in the mood but you aren't is no big deal. But for other people, sex should be reserved for times when both partners are totally into it. Either conclusion is fine, as long as you follow what's comfortable for your own desires and relationship.
So for those who do pursue maintenance sex from time to time, there are ways to keep it fun. Basically, no one in bed should have to lie back and think of England until the deed is done. Here are some ways to make sure everyone enjoys maintenance sex, whether you're the instigator or the recipient.
1. Use Seductive Rituals
If your partner is raring to go but your mind is still a million miles away, rely on seductive rituals to help kickstart your libido. As noted in Redbook, simply doing Kegels or taking a bubble bath may help you get into a sexier frame of mind. Rely on whatever helps you get in the mood.
2. Go For Speed
If you're feeling the need but your partner is wiped out from work, then a compromise may be in order. Initiating a quickie — even if you're in the middle of washing dishes or some other everyday chore — is an exciting way to meet your needs without overextending your partner, as noted in WebMD. Keeping it out of the bedroom can make things extra-spontaneous.
3. Go For Oral Fixation
When the idea of penetrative sex is just too much, offer your partner some oral or manual stimulation. Seriously, when you're good at oral sex, no one will be left wanting. For the record: oral definitely still counts as sex.
If you're raring to go and your SO cannot be moved, offer a little show. Masturbating in front of your partner can be incredibly sexy, as noted in Glamour, and requires exactly no effort from your SO. In this scenario, everyone's needs are (more or less) met.
5. Add A Dash Of Romance
Maintenance sex does not have to be as mundane as its name implies. Feel free to light some candles or share a glass of wine beforehand. And a nice back massage never hurt.
6. Make A Deal
When you're raring to go, offer your partner the move or position that's only saved for special occasions. Chances are, your SO will jump at the chance to try the Plug and Play position, or some similar move outlined in Cosmopolitan. Offering this little present may help your partner get legitimately turned-on in no time.
7. Bring Toys
Toys can help your libido play catch-up. Using a vibrator during sex just might change your life, as noted in Your Tango. At the very least, it will keep you interested in the task at hand.
8. Dress The Part
Trying to get your parter ready for a little fun? Indulging in lingerie classics such as chemises and garters can add some pizzaz to your sex life, as noted in The Frisky. If nothing else, it can make your regular Tuesday night romp hotter than normal.
Thinking unrealistically can help you get in the right headspace for sex in a hurry. According to Everyday Health, fantasizing can be a healthy part of any sex life. So whether you're pretending the whole neighborhood is watching or you're literally bedding the person of your dreams, active fantasy can help make your real life that much sexier.