It's been more than six years now since I had a miscarriage. But I still get pangs of sadness every time two dates roll around: The day the miscarriage was confirmed — and what would have been my due date. It's something I rarely think about on an average day. And yet, whenever I look at a calendar on those two dates, I remember how utterly broken I felt; I can't help but wonder might have been. I'm certainly not alone in this. And recently, Beverley Mitchell opened up about her miscarriage in an honest and heartbreaking post.
In case you haven't kept up the the actress' personal life, the former 7th Heaven star has a 5-year-old daughter, Kenzie, and a 4-year-old son, Hutton, with her husband, Michael Cameron. Mitchell took to Instagram on Tuesday, March 19 to share a bit about what's been weighing on her mind lately, according to E! Online. "The past week I have found myself reflecting on what might have been. You see, if I didn't miscarry, I would have a baby, possibly two babies joining our family," she wrote. "Though I understand in my heart that this was not our path, I can't help but wonder."
Mitchell went on to explain that talking about her loss has helped her process her grief. And although she's "not looking for sympathy," she does desire "acknowledgement that it happened." Because as plenty of women who have miscarried already know, pregnancy loss — particularly if it happened very early on — has a way of being easily dismissed.
"But this week has thrown me a curveball, and I have been downright SAD," Mitchell continued. "I've been struggling, I'm physically fine but my heart hurts, and my mind is tired. My husband is a saint and has been so kind and supportive; he lets me feel what I need to but is there to pick up the pieces and just hold me." She added:
I look at our two beautiful and I am so incredibly grateful but in my heart I know we are not complete, I so strongly feel there is another little soul waiting to join our family, and that is where I struggle.
This isn't the first time the 7th Heaven alumna has opened up about her miscarriage. On Nov. 22, she publicly revealed the miscarriage via Instagram, ET Online reported. "So much to be grateful for," the actress captioned a photo of her family on Thanksgiving Day. "Sharing a little bit about the past few months, a little heartache, a miscarriage, and healing! Thankful for my wonderful family who fills my [heart]. And thank you … to all of you for your love and support! And giving me a platform to share all my highs and lows! #healing #thankful #grateful#blessed."
Mitchell also went on to write about her miscarriage with twins on her blog, according to People. The actress and her husband had been excited to find out they were expecting twins earlier in 2018, only to be crushed by an unexpected loss. "A few weeks later, our new dream of our growing family came crashing down; we had a miscarriage," Mitchell wrote. "This was a shock. Honestly, my first instinct was to say I was fine, and to be honest, I was trying to be. I thought I had to be, for my family, for myself."
The possibility of miscarriage, Mitchell explained, hadn't even crossed her mind. She had already had two healthy pregnancies, after all. Mitchell also confessed that she didn't know very much about miscarriages before experiencing one herself; so she didn't think she even knew many people who'd had one. "I was now part of a group, the unspoken and hidden group who mourn their losses in the shadows," Mitchell wrote on her blog in November. "This was the hardest part, suffering in silence. Every time I shared what we were going through I made people uncomfortable, no one ever knows what to say, and to be honest, there is nothing to say." She continued:
Most people who are sharing their story, we aren’t looking for anything, just the opportunity to share their story. It is with sharing it that the healing begins, the acceptance that it happened. It is when you ignore it or pretend that it never happened that you cause more pain. Dismissing it almost makes it worse.
Honestly, I love that Beverley Mitchell is being so open about her experience with miscarriage. Because as she said, pretending that it never happened can wind up causing more pain. I wish her the best as she continues to grieve and grapple with all of the "what ifs" that often come with pregnancy loss. You're definitely not alone, mama.