Britney Just Announced A New Album, & Here Are 5 Things We Need From It
Britney Spears. Queen Britney. Pop princess extraordinaire to whom we all bow down. In what is quite possibly the best news ever, Britney Spears just announced a new album, and we are totally beyond psyched. After what feels like an eternity of waiting — and binge-watching clips from her amazing Vegas residency in the meantime to stave off our collective longing — Brit has finally shared the news that she is working on new material, tweeting about it and posting to Instagram with the awesomely cryptic hashtag, #b9 (possible album title? Or just shorthand that this is her ninth album? WHO KNOWS).
Spears has emphasized that she intends to take her time on this album and not rush anything, and she’s been upfront as well about wanting to only work around her kids’ busy schedules (#momney). So since we’ll probably still be waiting a while for some new stuff, it seemed only fair to go ahead and suggest some of the things we want — no, need — from this new album going ahead. You know, in case she’s down for a little crowdsourcing (please be down for crowdsourcing!)
We all know that Britney’s had plenty of hits and misses throughout her career, so in the spirit of making this new offering her very best one yet, here are some suggestions on what she’ll probably want to include:
More Awesome Dance Beats À La “Toxic”
I think we can pretty much agree that “Toxic” was the highlight of Britney’s career: girl totally slayed with this one. But even if she can’t top it on her new album, I’d like to suggest she at least try to match it, because one “Toxic” is not enough for a lifetime. And, come to think of it, not only do we need another “Toxic”-esque Britney dance hit, but we need an equally incredible “Toxic”-esque video, too. I’m talking sequin bodysuits and ripping a dude’s face off on an airplane and finding out he’s surprisingly attractive. YOU CAN DO THIS, BRITNEY.
Basically, Anything 2004 Britney Would Have Done
2004 was a good year for Britney. She was on her game in 2004. There was, of course, the aforementioned “Toxic,” but she also scored with “Everytime” (and its controversial accompanying video), and her dance moves were top notch. Unfortunately, things would start to go downhill not long after, culminating in the breakdown heard ‘round the world, but there’s no denying that a little ‘04 Britney would a great thing to see on this new album. (In fact, it would be almost enough for us to forget that she’d be Mrs. Kevin Federline by the end of that year.)
Or, maybe Blackout 2.0.
2007 may have been a terrible year for Spears personally (divorce, scandal, incredibly public mental breakdown and subsequent involuntary psychiatric hold), but the album she released that year is still considered one of her best. Blackout gave us hits like "Piece of Me" and "Gimme More," and reconfirmed Britney’s status as a dance hit master.
Nothing From 'Britney Jean'
Oh, Britney Jean. The album every Spears fan loves to hate. Although she said that Britney Jean was her most personal album, most people thought it largely fell flat, and became her lowest-selling album to date. So, maybe best to steer clear from whatever was going on making that record, yeah?
Collaborations That Don’t Suck (I’m Looking At You, Iggy Azalea)
So Britney released a song with Iggy Azalea, and it wasn’t that great. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t totally awesome potential for a totally awesome collaboration on this upcoming album. And just in case Britney is unsure of who to ask, here are some suggestions I’ve received from Britney fans wiser than I: Britney and Sia (yaaaaas). Britney and Lorde. Britney and Justin (a girl can dream). 2001 Britney and 2015 Beyonce, just dancing. Britney and the Tupac hologram. Britney and a pod of humpback whales. You know, basically anyone that isn’t Iggy Azalea.
Although it’s uncertain at this point whether or not Britney Spears plans to consider my obviously brilliant musical advice, at the end of the day, we’ll still be getting a new album and that is fantastic news.
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