Man Invents "Menstrual Lipstick" (Yes, For Real)

Women have been having periods since… well, since there have been women. But despite all the stigma, inconvenience, mess, and actual physical pain often associated with having periods, women have been too slow or simply too lazy to come up with a hygienic, discreet solution. Well, one guy is claiming that’s the case, at least. And thank goodness that same guy has an idea to help us out. We needed great things to happen in 2017, you guys, and here’s the first. Forget tampons, pads, cups, or even those new period panties — the quest for the perfect menstrual product has officially ended. A (male) chiropractor has invented menstrual lipstick for women to use during their periods, and I cannot believe no one was smart enough to think of this sooner!

Mensez looks like a lipstick, but functions more like a labia glue, according to the product website. "Mensez is a proprietary combination of amino acids and natural oils in a lipstick applicator,” it says on the official homepage. “When applied to the labia minora, it creates a temporary seal to retain menstrual fluids inside until urination. The urine instantly releases the seal and everything washes away into the toilet.”

How convenient, right?

Kansas chiropractor Daniel Dopps introduced Mensez this week in a LinkedIn post. According to Forbes, Dopps went into much more detail on how Mensez could help women in a Facebook post on the product page, but was forced to shut the page down after naysayers hacked the account. Thank goodness Facebook user Thea Butler shared screenshots of the posts before they were taken off the internet, because this is just gold. Dopps did not immediately respond to Romper's request for comment.

Here’s what Dopps had to say on Facebook about why a man had to step up and invent a better menstrual product:

Yes, I am a man and you as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be.

Dopps went on to explain that periods aren’t “gross,” but the feminine hygiene products we’ve been forced to accept certainly are.

Even the women can be secretive and try to hide the fact periods can be gross is crusty smelly and incredibly awful. The period its self (sic) is none of that but rather the diapers that women are forced to accept are gross and in creditably (sic) awful, no matter what color they make them or the cute names they give them, they are still diapers, and women have been duped into thinking that they are wonderful.

In an interview with Forbes recently, Dopps said that while he holds a patent for Mensez and has tested the product on “a small number” of women, it may be a while before the product hits store shelves. That’s probably a good thing, since there are still at least a couple of questions that need to be answered before I hand over my money.

What Colors Will Be Available?

Since women come in a variety of hues, we should expect as much from our vaginal lipsticks, amirite? The website describes Mensez as “colorless,” but I doubt that’ll fly once Dopps starts hearing from women who might want more colors to choose from.

Is Mood-Change Lipstick An Option?

Speaking of colors, I think the product line will definitely need at least one mood-changing version. Yeah, I know, it’s a brilliant idea. That one’s free, Dopps. Thank me later.

Wouldn’t You Have To Reapply? Like A Lot?

According to the since-deleted Facebook post, the thought behind Mensez was the painless “kind of fun” feeling when your lipstick stays on too long and causes your lips to stick together. But regular lipstick often has to be reapplied throughout the day to stay (ahem) fresh. Should Mensez wearers be prepared to freshen up often?

Where Has This Been All My Life?

I mean, clearly my period has been stifling all my logic and creativity, so that explains why I never thought of labia glue before. But what about the brilliant minds at all the feminine hygiene companies? How did they miss the possibilities here? #DoBetter

Seriously, How Did Dopps Think This Was A Good Idea?

Everything from the product name that almost literally means "mansplaining" to the logo that looks disturbingly like testicles makes me suspect that we’re being trolled. But if not, Dopps seems to know way too little about how women’s bodies actually look or work to be taken seriously. Still, he wrote that he hoped women would eventually come around to the idea of Mensez — even if it took a little while at first.

I realize that Mensez is very different in me take time for some women to work through the idea. My dream is to have women free of the distractions, the psychological issues that goes along with their periods, and see what they develop.

No, Dopps. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that I doubt any woman would have dreamed that Mensez might be a thing.