Dad Texts His Wife After Their Son Vomits In The Car, & The Exchange Is Hilarious


Ah, parenthood is an amazing thing. Birth is beautiful, life is beautiful, and nothing can compare to the joy you feel the first time you hold your babe. But make no mistake: raising kids is tough. It is a hard job, it is an ugly job, and it is a dirty job. (So, so dirty.) The good news is that even the hardest and most grotesque moments can be hilarious, at least in hindsight. Unfortunately hindsight couldn’t come quick enough for one father, and he couldn’t laugh until after he cried... well, cried and barfed. But when Ben Patterson text his wife after their son vomited in the family car — and then posted the conversation on Facebook — parents everywhere were laughing, not at him, but with him. Because almost all parents have been there.

(OK, OK. Maybe I haven’t dry heaved on the side of the road — or puked on a neighbor’s lawn — but I have been covered in my own daughter’s vomit, and I have cleaned the most vile and disgusting of things.)

Update: Patterson told Romper that, despite what other sources have reported, he actually had no contact with police officers and officers did not give him a breathalyzer. He told Romper:

Last week, Patterson met up with his wife, Stephanie, after work. According to Patterson’s Facebook page, he and Stephanie swapped cars, so he could head home with their kids while she went out with some friends. However, sometime before arriving home, Patterson’s son, Declan, got sick, throwing up all over himself and his car seat. Instead of cleaning it, Patterson handled the situation as most parents would: he took a pic and texted his spouse. And while his initial messages seemed innocuous enough — Patterson was asking Stephanie for advice, a phone call, and, well, empathy — both Patterson’s stomach and the situation quickly took a turn for the worse:

Patterson waited for a response from Stephanie, but since his phone remained silent and his texts remained unanswered, he continued:

And that’s when things went from bad to worse — or hilarious, depending on how you look at it:

Patterson continued to text Stephanie, but the conversation remained one-sided. The good news was Patterson passed his breathalyzer, so he was allowed to go, and his wife didn't have to come bail him out of jail. The bad news? Declan was still vomiting, and Patterson still had to drive home:

Aw, I feel for you, Ben. I really do, and I just want to give you a hug. But only after you shower...and change your shirt.