Dear Moms: You’re Actually Crushing It

I have three children between the ages of 2 and 10. I have three children of three separate ages and phases. Some days, I can’t keep up with everything on their agendas. Many days, I drop the ball. Most days, I cut corners. Every day, I imperfectly love my children. Keyword: imperfectly.

There was a time when that word would make me cringe. It would take almost a decade of motherhood to become content in the imperfect, comfortable in the messy.

If other moms are anything like me, they spend a significant amount of time reeling in what they aren’t doing right. “Mom Guilt” isn’t just a catch phrase; it’s a burdensome reality for most mothers. In this digital age, we are overwhelmed with conflicting information and social media provides a constant stream of other mothers to compare ourselves to. We find ourselves wondering — spiraling, even — if we are giving enough of ourselves. Which new parenting style is best? How much screen time is bad? Are our kids eating enough? Are their sleeping habits appropriate? Are we involved enough at all of their schools? Do they have enough friends?

It’s certainly natural (and even biological) to be aware and concerned for our children around the clock. What isn’t natural, and is a product of our culture, is the guilt we feel at every turn. The feeling that we are never enough is heavily weighing on us. However, while the media often reverberates our worries as parents, recent research shows us that parents actually spend more time with their children in our modern age. Not just that, but partnerships have become more egalitarian and parenting methods are vastly improving from generations past. Both mothers and fathers are more present with their children. We are actually (gasp!) doing just fine.

Yet, we still become stuck in a spin cycle of guilt and frustration. Moms are driving ourselves crazy with the ways we think we are failing, but from a data standpoint — we aren’t at all. Experts attribute these changes over the years to the rise in parenting trends and easier access to self-education. In a nutshell, we are trying. Hard.

Once upon a time, I had a therapist who changed my life with a few important sentences.

I was struggling with being a single mom of one and obsessively worrying about all the changes and adjustments my son faced in his life thus far. I was hyper worried about all the ways I could potentially be ruining him, from being a working mom to moving states away. She told me this, and I’ve never forgotten it: "Children are adaptable and resilient. They adjust to life changes even better than we do at times. What we have learned through research is that a child’s wellbeing almost solely relies on the happiness and emotional stability of their primary caregiver."

That almost sounds too simple, but it’s true. Have you ever met someone who turned out beautifully and was a well-rounded adult, but they lived in shelters all of their childhood? I have, and spoiler alert: they wound up being so well-adjusted because their mother was a stable constant in their life. Have you ever met a family where all siblings turned out completely differently, but were all raised the same way? Exactly. You have so little control. Take off the imaginary badge you are wearing that’s piling on the pressure. Your day-to-day mistakes won’t ruin them.

So, what can we do? For starters, throw away anyone else’s expectations. Take the books and child rearing manuals with a grain of salt and trust that you know your kids better than anyone else. Personally, I’ve adopted the mantra “do what you can, when you can.”

Sometimes, that means claiming a small victory when I find a brand I know to be consistently great and makes my job as a parent a little bit easier. Brands like Pampers are tried and true. I’ve known since my first baby left the hospital in Pampers over ten years ago that this was a brand I could trust. Now that my last baby is in his last year of diapers, I can confirm that Pampers’ quality and consistency never waivers.

Let’s take the guesswork and headache out of motherhood, shall we? Stick to the basics of what you know to be true. You love your children. You want the best for them. Your happiness and stability is paramount. Don’t drive yourself crazy wishing you were another mother. You are equipped with everything you — and your baby — need.

This post is sponsored by Pampers.