Oh, Ryan Lochte, what are we supposed to do with you? It's hard to stay angry with the olympic swimmer when he seems so earnestly bewildered as to why exactly everybody is so angry with him. So in an effort to restore his public image, Lochte has decided to join the cast of Dancing With the Stars, you know, now that he has all this free time. Does Ryan Lochte have dance experience? Um, not actually. But I bet he thinks he can Dougie.
In case you've been in hiding for the past few months and aren't quite up to speed on the whole Lochte situation, here is a brief recap. Ryan Lochte and three other swimmers were partying in Rio one night, allegedly vandalized a gas station, were threatened until they paid for the damages, then departed. Then, Lochte told his mom he was stopped and mugged at gunpoint by guys dressed as cops because he didn't want to tell her about the whole vandalism thing. She then told the press, and Lochte of course felt the need to double down on this story, until it became painfully clear that it was all completely untrue, sparking an international incident. The whole thing is so hilarious and bizarre it reads more like a Judd Apatow script than a news item.
In response to creating an international incident by lying to his mother, Lochte received a 10-month suspension, which gives him time to compete in Dancing with the Stars, which hopefully will serve as his redemption vehicle, restoring his image as a lovable bro rather than unimaginable douchebag bro. His partner, Cheryl Burke, is certainly doing her part. She is quoted by People as saying of Lochte, "Sometimes he's a little too hard on himself cause he wants to be perfect but he has zero dancing experience and I'm like, 'Listen, you gotta take this whole show one step at a time or else it gets way too overwhelming.' But he's been amazing so far."
Lochte, for his part, just would really like people to forget about that whole Rio Olympics scandal thing. "I'm excited for, not only myself, but everyone else to forget about what happened and to move forward," he said. I'll do my best, Lochte, but no promises.