If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times, communication is super important when it comes to relationships. And though there are many factors that can help determine whether your relationship ultimately might be a success or a failure, the way that the two of you talk to one another — not just the things you talk about or the words you choose when you're expressing love or excitement — can have a very big impact. Eliminating these words will make your partner more loyal to you for a number of reasons, but doing so can also make them trust you more, understand you better, and respect you more. All of those things are important in a healthy, stable, loving, and lasting relationship.
Some words and phrases are things that you shouldn't say to your partner because they're demeaning, condescending, hurtful, or otherwise negative. Other words are things that you likely want to avoid for different reasons. Some words and phrases that you know you maybe shouldn't use with your partner are things that you might not be able to cut out entirely, but choosing different words that will get the same point across could ultimately help improve communication between the two of you without hurting the other's feelings or being flippant, sarcastic, or mean.
Being more mindful of the language you use when speaking to your partner can do you both some good, but if you're having problems communicating (or communicating kindly) with one another, enlisting the help of a therapist could smooth out the rough patches and get you on the right track.
If you're often accusing your partner of always doing or not doing something or being or not being a certain way, you might want to try to use that particular word less frequently. "Nobody 'always' does anything, and it’s important not to be so dramatic so your partner can actually hear what you were trying to say," Dr. Claudia Luiz, PsyaD, a psychoanalyst and author, tells Romper by email. Think about how you can get your point across without getting dramatic or exaggerating things.
You should try to cut back on your use of the word "never" for the same reason as the word "always." It'll sound accusatory to your partner. Plus, in many cases, they probably have done that thing at some point. "'You never do the dishes' is probably untrue," Luiz says.
3. You Have To Do Something
Dictating what your partner can or can't do might just make them think that you don't respect them. In an interview with Redbook, Margaux Cassuto, the founder of ThreeMatches.com, said that that kind of tone or phrase can make the relationship unequal. If your partner feels like they're not an equal in the relationship, they might not feel as loyal or committed either.
When you respond to something your partner said with "whatever," it can sound really dismissive. In a piece that she wrote for Psychology Today, Dr. Andrea Brandt PhD, MFT, said that "whatever" can sound like you don't care about your partner's feelings. If they think you don't care about the way they feel, loyalty to you may not be high on their list.
It's hard to hear this word as anything other than a dismissal. It's so final. Of course, it's not always possible to never say "no" in your relationship and you shouldn't not say it when you need to just because you've tried to eliminate it from conversations with your partner.
"When we are a couple, [we're] hardwired to want to be on the same page," Luiz says. "Sometimes you have to say 'no,' but it should always be prefaced with warmth. Like, 'I can’t do that, honey. I’m unable to help with that – I’m so sorry.'"
Telling your partner that they're overreacting is dismissing or invalidating their emotional experience, and that's not usually easy for people to hear. In an interview with Reader's Digest, Laurel House, a dating and empowerment coach, said that comments like this one can make your partner feel uneasy voicing their true feelings and opinions around you. That's not what most people want in a long-lasting relationship.
If the two of you are arguing, "nothing" doesn't actually mean nothing. It's something you say to end the conversation. And this is another word that you should consider eliminating. In the previously-mentioned post from Psychology Today, Brandt said that this is often said when you're scared to fight or you don't want to have to take accountability. "Nothing" comes off as passive-aggressive, so you may want to consider a different response.
The words that you choose to use (or not use) when speaking with your partner really do matter. Eliminating words and phrases that erode trust, cut them down, or are otherwise hurtful could help strengthen your connection and make you both more loyal and committed.